I NO WANT

ohhh i don't like this thing oo. i just finished writing what i wanted to post, but i can't find it again.Yesterday i had to post in the bathroom, now this. which kind witch be these. Now i have to start writing again. anyhow i don't mind, but na wa oo. this blogging to turn to home work. next time i will write things up and save them.

how are you guyz doing now. hope everybody is fine. thank you guyz for the comments from the last post. one of my brother's told me a disturbing news yesterday. i don't know how true it is, but he heard it on the news. he said i should not use the computer tomorrow because they is one virus thing that will affect people's computer on April ist. like i said i don't know how true. just wanted to tell you guyz.

i read bibi's post about lesbians. i wanted to share my own experience.although i don't see what is wrong if someone calls their mum mummy(bibi i no understand your own o). i entered boarding school when i was in JSS 1, an all girls school. i have never cried so much in my life. my mum said she wanted us to learn about life outside the comfort of our home. my dad didn't want us(me and my sister) to go, as par us being the only girls. i grew up with alot of guyz(brother and cousin), just thinking of them. that is another story.. my dad was soo sad, i could see it in his eyes( i come add my own dey cry like hyena).funny enough my sister was happy, i didn't understand o. okay back to the story

In my segment(that's what they call the room) we have 16 beds, 8 on each row and each of the bed has a bunk(one bed up, the other one down), so we were 32 in a room( the room was spacious sha, so no think say na over population). anyhow my bunk mate was my closest friend then. my sister was in the same building with me, but her room was at the other side of the building.

anyhow i was very close to the girl o. lets call her simbi( like ali and simbi goes to school.. lol). until i started hearing rumours about simbi. BSNC did you hear that simbi and so so are doing this, simbi and so so are doing that. i was like my own simbi.. that is a lie jo. anyways first semester nothing happened. second semester this girl started behaving strangely towards me. at first i was like maybe i am imagining thing. she will do things like hug me soo close, peck me, tell me how beautiful i look(okay that is not bad sha, i gree i fine sha..lol). i woke up one day and i caught her smiling and staring at me. i didn't think it was anything. after all she is one of my close friends. i told my sister about it. lets call my sister vanilla skin naija chic VSNC

VSNC: i don't like that girl o. there is something about her

BSNC: please leave her alone. she is my friend, go and find your own friend jo

VSNC: you no dey ever hear word

BSNC: eh lemme alone. i no even know why i tell u sef. hisssss

VSNC: okay oo, na you sabi. i have said my own

BSNC: eh thank you very much madam.

i was sleeping one day when i heard my sister shouting at someone. i was like VSNC what is it again person no fit sleep in peace ahh ahh. she just looked at me and hiss.

VSNC: you just dey sleep like say tomorrow no dey. see wetin this idoit been dey do(simbi)

BSNC: what is it again.( i looked at simbi she just looked away, then i looked at my sister)

VSNC: i came to collect milk from your locker(she had my keys) to eat corn flake when i see this idoit touching your breast. i told you i don't like this girl before

BSNC: simbi is that true( i don't sleep deep o, i was wondering why i didn't feel anything sef).

simbi: no no i swear i didn't do anything o(she puts her finger on the ground, then on her tougue, then to the sky.. u know how people swear those dayz now). i saw something on your dress i was trying to remove it when your sister came

I didn't even think twice i knew simbi was lying. my sister will never lie to me(she is my blood now). i felt so bad because i was close to her(simbi). me and my sister threatened to report her to our administrator. simbi then confessed how she liked me from the day she first saw me and she taught i felt the same way blah blah blah( i was like for JSS 1 again, i thought they only see this things in america film). after that incident, we still talked but we were never close again. she left the school the next semester.

Another incident happened in the same school when i was in JSS3. there was this senior(SS3 student) that was always buying me stuff. i thought she liked my brother because she was among the numerous girls that wanted to be my friend because of my brother( yea the guy is kind of cute, but i don't know what the fuss is all about), anyway she was always buying stuff, seniors didn't pick on me when she was around. Until one day( suddenly suddenly like dbanj) she told me to follow her to her dormitory. we got there and we entered her room. luckily for me, she and my neigbour(another senior) stayed in the same room. my neigbour told me to leave the room and go outside with her..( at first i didn't move. i was like i am here with my friend now), but when she told me the second time and with the look on her face, i followed her outside and she told me she never want to see me with that girl again or she will report me to my mum

BSNC: report me for what now. what did i do

neigbour: that girl is a lesbian o. do you know how many junior she brings to her room to experiment with..

BSNC: this is not happening again..( wetin na only me dem see) but she knows my dormitory, my room, the time i leave for classes, the time i have breaks( and VSNC warned me about her too. i don't know how she knows all this things)

neigbour: don't worry i will deal with her. just walk away now as am looking at you

i didn't only walk away. i ran to my sister's room and told her what happened.

VSNC: don't worry eh nobody will try anything when am here(that my sister too much oo, i felt better after that)

i don't know what my neigbour told her, but i didn't hear from her again. they were couple of other episodes when i was in the university(in naija), but my brothers dealt with them. one even promised to take me to yankee( like say no be the yankee i dey now.. hisss nonsense). the matter tire me o. the boys toasting me was not enough, girls one add their own join...

roc i know you were expecting the 1969 story..lol, that was the story that vanished(so no be my fault o)

have a wonderful week people and stay blessed

JOB ENIGMA

My fellow blogville citizens how are you guyz doing. I hope your week has been wonderful.. thanks for the comments from the last post, am glad you guyz liked the joke.

I have been trying to update for 2 hours now. My name is just sweet in everybody’s mouth today. BSNC please help me do this, BSNC help me do that, BSNC can you get me something from the store blah blah. You guyz would not believe, am blogging from the bathroom now(wetin blogging no go cause) because that is the only place I can blog with no disturbance.

Anyhow let me gist you guyz about work .. work was okay I guess. I went to work this weekend again. When I got there Mr Sean( my patient) was sleeping ,so I just arranged his apartment a little. I was still doing the chores when the door bell rang. I really did not think it was HGF because she normally stops by in the afternoon, but you guessed right it was HGF. I let her in and she went straight to Mr Sean’s room, she didn’t even reply my hello. Na wa o( those of you who don’t know HGF is my patient’s(Mr. Sean) girlfriend. She is always on my case, thus the name Hater Girlfriend .. HGF)

She woke him up and the guy asked for me.

Mr. Sean: why didn’t you wake me up when you got here.

BSNC: I didn’t want to wake you up, besides I was cleaning up your apartment

Mr. Sean: ohh that’s so sweet of you and you look nice today.

HGF: yea you do look kind of nice today(she rolled her eyes).

BSNC: thanks ( I took my braid off and did a little something something to my hair…)

I was smiling, but when I looked at HGF(she was just frowning) ,so I quickly erased my smile( I no fit for her wahala abeg) and left them in the room. I could hear what they were saying from the other room..

HGF: I was the one who woke you up, a simple hello would have been nice

Mr. Sean: ohh am so sorry. How are you doing today. I thought you were coming in the evening

HGF: I came early to see you and this is the thank you I get.., so I don’t look good. Its okay

Then they were talking about something else.( thank God they left my topic today). They were there for about an hour. Mr. Sean told me he was ready to eat, as i was feeding him HGF bought her own spoon too.

BSNC: do you want to feed him

HGF: No you go ahead

BSNC: but you bought another spoon to feed him

HGF: yea we can feed him together

Which kind wahala be this now. The guy did not even say anything sef. I guess he was enjoying the attention. She was just on my case sha. She was there all day, so I could not play his game. The day was sooo long. At the end of the day, she was trying to be nice to me ( I was honestly surprised o)

HGF: I know you may think I am giving you a rough time

BSNC: no its okay. I understand

HGF: you don’t understand. I want to help him in anyway I can. I don’t mean to get in your way. I wish I could be with him and help him all day. You look like a good person, but I want to be there for him too…..( when she was saying all this, all I could think of was the p-square and j martins song “if you like you good o, if you like you bad oo.anything wey you do for this life…" You know how the song goes) and I just smiled. I told her it was okay

Hopefully she will continue with this altitude and let me do my job in peace. I think our prayers is working(those people who prayed for me).

Nightrider is back . I miss him so much. I have not driven him in a while(nightrider is my car o,). although he has not fully recovered, at least he is back. Yea my mum helped me.

Today is my brother’s Bday..yayyy. Thank God for adding another year to his life. My brother is not happy with me o. he says I spend too much time on the internet these days( all for blogging).. I wanted to blog about something, just can’t remember… anyhow have a nice week people and happy new month in advance( hopefully nobody will do april fool for me, I always fall for it)

LOL

okay i was not going to post today, but here i am. i saw this jokes somewhere i thought they were funny, so i decided to share. Enjoy

At A World Women's Conference the first speaker, from England, stood up:

"At last year's conference we spoke about being more assertive with our husbands.

Well, after the conference I went home and told my husband that I would no longer cook for him and that he would have to do it himself.

After the first day I saw nothing. After the second day I saw nothing. But after the third day I saw that he had cooked a wonderful roast lamb." The crowd cheered.

The second speaker, from America, stood up:

"After last year's conference I went home and told my husband that I would no longer do his laundry and that he would have to do it himself.

After the first day I saw nothing. After the second day I saw nothing. But after the third day I saw that he had done not only his own washing but my washing as well." The crowd cheered.

The third speaker, from Nigeria, stood up:

"After last year conference I go house and tell my husband that I no go do im cooking, cleaning or go market for am again, and dat he go dey do am imsef.

After the first day i no see anytin, the second day sef, I see notin. But after the third day, as the swelling begin go down, I start to see small small from my left eye.

*************************************************************************************

The youngest son in a family asked his father: "Daddy, what's the difference between 'potential' and 'reality'? Dad: "I will show you." He turned to his wife and asked: "Would you sleep with Tom Cruise for two million dollars?" Wife: "Yes. I would never waste such an Opportunity to become a millionaire." Then dad turned to his daughter: "Would you sleep with Will Smith for 1 million dollars?" Daughter: "Yes. That is my fantasy." Dad turned to his older son: "Would you sleep with Denzel Washington for 1 million dollars?" Son: "Yes! Imagine what I would do with $1 million." Then Dad concluded by telling his youngest son: "You see, "potentially", we are sitting on $4 million. But in "reality" we are living with 2 prostitutes and 1 gay dude. Did that answer your question?."

thanks for the comments from the last post.Have a wonderful week(what is left of it)

HONEST SCRAP MEME (i got tagged, so here it goes)

I got tagged by SMF on the Honest Scrap Meme. I know you guyz don’t really know much about me because I talk about my job, nightrider and random stuff, but you will know in time.

Hope this gives you guyz an ideal who BSNC is. Well here it goes;

1. I can be very shy or I can be a talkative, depends on who I am with. For some reason most people think I am this shy quiet innocent girl( I guess i am 71.8% innocent, ok how did I come up with that figure) who doesn’t know anything. I play along sometimes though

2. I am one of the most patient people I know( I wonder who I inherited that from).

3. I don’t easily get angry, but when I do.. trust me it is not a good sight. I don’t like me when I am angry. I have been really angry three times in my life( or so I think)

4. I love children. I cant help it I just love them( especially the babies). I can't wait to have my own one day

5. I just realized that I cant please everybody. My dad once told me if you want to please everybody, just know you will die early and there is this quote I saw somewhere “I don’t know the secret to success, but I know the secret to failure; trying to please everybody. Something like that

6. I don’t like it when people compare me with my twin sister( yes I have a twin, fraternal). Yes we are from the same womb, yes we were born the same day, but we are two different people… get over it

7. I have had a crush on almost all my brother’s friends at a point in my life, but now I see them as family. I love boys I can’t help it. i grew up with alot of them

8. I have had infatuation, crushes…. But I have never been in love(or have i?). I read it in novels, watch it in movies, feel and see it around me. One day I know I will find it because I love love. Like celindion says “love comes to those who believe it and that’s the way it is”

9. I love music. I can’t go a day without listening to one. Just name it R&B, pop, soft rock, oldies, hip pop and of course my African music too

10. I am very playful and I have a wonderful sense of humor. People say I play too much , but I can be very serious when I want to be..

11. I am glad I found out about blog Ville. I love it here. It is really nice and you guyz are just too much( for real)

I guess that is a little bit of BSNC. I have to tag 7 people that has not been tagged before.. hmm let me see.. Fashinga, Gee, sirus, funms -the rebirth, Miss FlyHigh – LondonsNaijaQueen, Capuccin Baby, omo oba, Nigeria fetish, lolia, mocha, seye..(okay how many is that. I no no how to count again)

Happy birthday Fashinga!!!!!!!

GRANDMA GOES TO YANKEE

I hope everybody’s week is flourishing and going smoothly. Thank you guyz for all the comments, I’m humble and remain loyal and also a special thanks to YNB (yankeenaijababe) for the welcoming newbie post (that is blogbite like me).. I wish I could give everybody a hug.. you guyz can have the cookie on the blog table; cabin biscuit, nasco, long life, choco milo, ribena, goldpot, mirinda, limca…. The choose is your choice, no fighting o.

I just got off the phone with my grandma (paternal). We talked about random stuff; school, job, weather, boys( she has hooked me up with almost all her friend’s grandchildren. I guess she has given up on me because she barely talk about them anymore), … we just talked sha. I know you guyz are wondering why I am talking about my grandma now. Well she left yankee recently and I wanted to share the story of her trip…

Her journey from naija to London was cool(she was travelling with my dad), no problems or immigration wahala, you know how niaja be now, once there is money there is a way. She carried enough naija assortments; yam, egusi, ogbono, cray fish, snail… just name it (even gala sef). For some strange reason she decided to put the yam in her hand luggage (don’t ask me why). Anyhow that was how they got to America; my grandma was so excited she has never seen so many whites in one place. Usually once you say you are from Nigeria and you bring all them goodies, the immigration in yankee must stop you. They took my dad and grandma to one of their office:

Dad: Mama no worry I go take care of this no just say anything you hear

Grandma: if dem ask me question I go talk now

Immigration officer(I.O): Can I see your passports and tell me what is inside that bag

Dad: Here you go( gives him the passports). It is just some things my mum bought for my sista from home.

Grandma: wetin im talk about my bag, I count everything there if anything miss eh

Dad: Mama im no talk to you now

I.O: who is the woman with you, I want her to sign in that paper

Dad: she is my mum. She is an illiterate, so she can’t really read or write

Grandma: who is illiterate, you dey craze abi you chop craze, na your papa be illiterate. I don told you dat I stopping in class two. look at the small boy is cursing me ( me sef no understand the English too)

Dad: mama I dey tell you make u keep quiet u no go hear o. they go send us back to naija

Grandma: I’m flabbergast( she picked those words from home video or something), amazing grace how sweet the sound, how can…. ..

the I.O was confused, he taught my dad was being dishonest; how can you tell me your mum is an illiterate when she speaks so good English( tell me how that English good now). By this time my grandma was grinning from ear to ear. My dad somehow resolved the crisis and explained further to I.O that my grandma was only putting a show to impress them. Anyway I.O opened my grandma’s hand luggage and saw two tuber of yams, he took it out of the bag and smelled it( I no no how the thing suppose smell before ). My grandma on seeing this, took the yam from his hand, I.O took it from her hand, she took it back, he took it from her hand again. That was how my grandma removed the wrapper from her waist and tied it on her head( she was ready for the man…).

Grandma: how I go take money buy yam for my pikin(beats her hand on her chest) na this oyinbo rabbit dey put am for im nose. Na either I kill am or im kill me

Dad: mama you wan kill yourself because of yam abi. Okay I go buy you yam

Grandma: no oo I want my own yam wey I take my own money buy

I think the other I.Os had the commotion because they came over and gave my grandma’s case to an African I.O, thankfully the guy settled the matter in peace and gave my grandma her yam back. My dad was so stressed that day( no be small thing dem go through)

The 5th day in yankee my grandma starts complaining that she wants to eat oyinbo food and she insist she must order for herself.. my dad took her to McDonalds. They got inside the fast food outlet

Dad: mama wetin you wan chop, u no say u no understand this thing make I order for you

Grandma: no worry I know wetin I want.

Grandma: waiter give me that bread and fry yam

Server: you say what now

Grandma: I say I want fry yam and bread… she turns to my dad, abi this boy no dey hear word no be fry yam and bread I dey see there

Dad: mama dem dey call am another thing here( he didn’t want to laff at my grandma, so he just held himself)

Grandma: abeg give me the fry yam and bread now ahh ahh which kind person be this , then she points to the item she wants.

Server boy: ohh u mean burger and frys

Grandma: na u know I don tell u wetin I want

They sha ordered and left the place. That was how they went to several places and my grandma being stubborn as she is, made things complicated for everybody( my grandma is a sweet heart, but sometimes she can be soooo stubborn). At the end of the day she hated yankee, she wanted to go back to naija. After much fussing, she left for naija the second week with a family friend( she was suppose to stay for 2 months)

I said my paternal grandma because my maternal grandma( my grandmama for my mama side) is educated and that woman like to blow grammar anyhow chei, so my paternal grandma has a little beef with her( don’t ask me why). She is always like BSNC this your grandmama no wan hear oo. She too dey make shakara, person never see before sef. E go dey do like say e no dey shit. Meanwhile my maternal grandma has nothing, but respect for that woman. They know how to sort themselves out. My maternal grandma is coming to yankee for the first time soon, we ll see how that plays out…..

I got my first pay check today(don’t ask me how much ). I should be happy rite…. Wrong. It goes like this I had a little disagreement with my mum and I told her I ll start paying all my bills by myself out of vexation (me and my big mouth), so right now I have bills to pay, I have to send money home as par first salary( one kind family tradition). Plus I had Nightrider(my car) checked up and he needs major surgery (repairs) , I don’t know why he is doing this to me. I have planned for this pay check before. I just have to swallow my pride with a tall glass of water and talk to my mum. After all the bills and stuff I have to pay for, I’m left with $30.59 ( wetin I wan use that one do now) that is excluding nightrider own. This pride must go down my throat by force.

Wish u guyz a lovely week ahead

UNUSUAL WEEKEND

have been kind of busy with work, school and other stuffs, as a result I could not update. I want to take this time to thank u guyz for all the comments; I am in awe, amazed, perlexed, flabbergasted…. Yea yea u get my point, but really thanks, you guyz rock. I also want to congratulate both the winners and nominee of NBA, everybody is a winner. I think the blog award is not complete without the ashewo category ..lol( in afrobabe words), i can only think of two contenders in that category right now; RocNaija and SMF.. or what do you guy think???

Work this weekend was different, good different.My patient, let’s call him Mr. Sean

Mr. Sean: Do you know how to play this play station games

BSNC: Not really, but I’m a fast learner( yea rite, see I grew up with a lot of guyz, brothers , cousins, uncles.. I started playing video games when I was 4 okay maybe 7)

Mr. Sean: yea a lot of the female workers don’t know how to play the game, but I thought you could play because you look young….

BSNC: Well I could play if you teach me

Mr. Sean: Thank you so much. I have not played this game in years

BSNC: it’s no problem (you know I have to act like it is only because of him I am
playing it.. meanwhile I was just thanking my lucky stars)

So I hooked up the game and took the controller. I was asking him a lot of questions like I don’t know what to do.. How do you start the game? How do you choose a player? How do you this, how do u that?.. Everybody knows how to press start in the controller, but you know I have to go with the flow. Anyhow I started playing the game and I made sure they killed my player in the first , two games after which I was playing the game like there was no tomorrow

Mr. Sean: wow you are really good. I ve not seen anybody learn a game so fast

BSNC: I told you I was a fast learner

Mr. Sean: I know you said that, but you that was fast

BSNC: yea thanks (For my mind I was like yea rite)

That was how we, I mean I played the game for 6 hours o, he didn’t eat, he refuse to answer his phone calls. I was like okay Mr. Sean you have to eat something. The way he shouted the NO ehh, I was kind of shocked ( even though I was enjoying the game too, I have to set his priorities straight.. make person no go die for my hand because of game, when they ask BSCN what happened?... I ll be like i was playing his PS3, imagine how that sounds). He sha apologized and told me that is how he gets when he is engrossed in the game. He ate something and we resumed playing the scare face only for the door bell to ring ( I had just 2 hrs before I was done for the day)

I opened the door to his girlfriends ). I let her in and flashed her my smile
Hater girlfriend(HGF): how are you doing

BSNC: I am fine ( I was happy that day, so I was smiling all day and I think she didn’t like it)

HGF: where is Mr. Sean?.. I have been calling him for the past 7 hours. Why can’t you answer the phone.. Or is that not included in your job descriptions

BSNC: he wasn’t in the mood to answer his calls

HGF: ohh really and why was that?

I just walked away from her because I didn’t want her to take away my joy that day( see me see wahala oo). She entered his room and I heard them arguing about something for like 20 minutes. Mr. Sean called me and told me to unhook the game. I did as I was told. I was still in the room when HGF told Mr. Sean; how come she is playing your PS3, is that her job description blah blah blah, I wasn’t listening
until she started using curse words on me.


Mr. Sean: she doesn’t even understand what the word means (he thinks I am like 17 or
something). Ms BSNC do you know what F-k you means

HGF: of course she knows what the hell it means. She watc…

Mr. Sean: shut up HGF I wasn’t talking to you. BSNC??

BSNC: what word fork, is it not what we use to eat with the spoon and knife..

Mr. Sean: hahahaha hehehe, you are funny you know that

Of course I know what it means now, do I look like I stay in Mars or Jupiter.. Even my 3year old cousin knows what it means. I was at my uncle’s place in naija like last year or so, I was watching a movie or something and my little cousin (angie) walked up to me:

Angie: aunty BSNC f-k you (then she giggled).

BSNC: what did you just say to me?

Angie: aunty I said f-k you ( now she was laughing)

BSNC: where did you learn that from.. Don’t ever say that word again

She decided to form a song on that word with my name. See I love children and I ll never do anything to make them sad, but the way I beat this girl eh. I pulled her jeans down and smacked her bombom. She was screaming out her lungs. Of course her parents came and I told them what happened. You wouldn’t believe what they said; she is a child now BSNC why would you beat her like that, please leave my baby for me o. I didn’t get it, was I wrong.. Should I ve let angie sing those words to my ears..
That is that sha, back to my job

Mr. Sean told me to leave the room for a second. I was happy that day, but I went home that night feeling troubled. I didn’t do anything wrong now or did i?

Meanwhile on my way Nightrider (my car) decided to give me his own wahala, the one from my job wasn’t enough for the day. I was driving home listening to Dbanj “suddenly” .. you know that song now suddenly step in the club they loving me, can’t feel the fingers rubbing…. All this happen suddenly, so suddenly. Now dem know…( who told me to play that song)when all of sudden the car slowed down to like 20 miles/ hr in a 65miles/hr range, other stuffs were blinking in the gauge meter, cars were horning behind me(God I was sooo scared).. Nightrider has never done this to me before. I spoke to nightrider and mumble a little prayer. I guessed it worked because less than 2 minutes nightrider restored to its natural state. Yes it was pretty much an unusual week..

Wish you guyz a wonderful week ahead and yay it is springgg

IS IT JUST ME OR.........

Almost everybody is updating their blog like crazy. I can barely keep up(or is it a normal routine.. maybe bcos i am kind of new).Even though some bloggers like keeping us in suspense with their part one, two… or to be continued.

Bloggers like shouting first or second when they comment on a blog, no matter how hard I try am never the first on anyone’s blog. Or have I been... I don’t even know again. Plus some bloggers just take the whole commenting space; as a result we don’t know who is first, second…….( na fight lol)

Almost everybody seems to be on a diet or are about to go on a diet. I hope that works out for you guys

Almost everybody is getting married. I can’t believe the number of people that have gotten married this year, and to think it’s the beginning of the year (and this is for people I know….)

Almost every blog I have read is interesting, captivating, engrossing, fascinating, intriguing, refreshing (okay enough with the terminology)... u get my drift. I can’t get enough

Almost everybody is talking about M.I. For 5 months straight that all I hear. Okay we agree the guy is one of the best things that happen to naija music. We agree he is all that, e don doo haba..

Almost everybody is tired, leaving or deactivating their face book account (for those who have one). Face book used to be so addictive, but it doesn’t seem to make sense anymore with the changes and all..

Almost all the male naija bloggers are having major fun with different chics(maybe is the ones i happen to come across)

That is all I can think of for now. It may not all be accurate, just my observation..

IT IS WELL, JOB....

This past week has been rough for me, but it is well... i just know everything will be okay. everything happens for a reason

My job this week was okay( remember from my other post; my job is just to take care of a guy, clean, feed and change him). Well this week was different because his cousin came over and he stayed with my client all day. His cousin was kind of cute( okay the guy really try), tall, dark.. yea you get the drift. The cousin was staring at me all day and licking his lips( u know like ll cool j does). I honestly thought it was offensive and i felt soo uncomfortable.. here i was trying to do my job and this guy was giving me the creeps. i just ignored him or at least i tried to..I fed the guy and clean him up, but i could not watch TV with him afterwards because his cousin was there. i heard them talking about me, but i could not make out what they were saying. all i heard was she is new, she is cutee then something about shy and african... i had an idea of what they were talking about though. i heard footsteps, i knew it was the cousin.. i just pretended like i was engrossed in a book i found on top of the table. i could feel him staring at me, but i intentionally refused to look at him. He was about to say something when my client called me. i walked so fast i thought i was going to fall down( i was like make this man do dey go now.. ahh ahh).I answered my client, he told me he wanted me to clean and change his catheter(u know the condom thing that connects to the tube which he uses to urinate) and this is the most embarrassing part of the job o.. at least for me. i bought the things i needed to clean and change him, his cousin decided to show up at that moment. i just stood there waiting for him to leave from 5 minutes to 20 minutes to 30 minutes...

my client: ms brownskin what are you waiting for?.. u can proceed

brownskin: hmm em em but but your cou your cousin...

my client: oh him, don't worry about him. just ignore him and carry on

brownskin: please Mr cousin can u excuse us for a moment

cousin: I'm watching a show i missed it the last time, i heard it was funny.. do you mind?

brownskin: its okay you can stay( i wanted to slap his cousin ehh, what is his own now)

I ignored him and resumed with the task at hand. As i was cleaning him, his penis decided to stand up again. i thought it was a mistake the first time. i was really hoping it wouldn't happen again, but it did. i acted as the professional that i am and carried on with what i was doing, but the unexpected happen not only was his penis sky-high, it actually moved. i thought i was mistaken or something, but when it moved again i stepped back, and as expected my clients and cousin were shaking with laughter. I was soo embarrassed. i know i should be used to it by now, but its wasn't fair. did they think this job is easy. i no blame them sha na condition make crayfish bend. i just raised my head up and cleaned him, the condom took me 2minutes this time( Glory be to God from 30minutes to 2minutes). no mind me jare.. people are saying their experts in dancing, singing,writing... me i dey happy say i be expert for condom wearing( i neva even reach expert stage, but i try sha.. its not easy o). I sha finished and walked up to both and gave them a deafening slap.. and told them to never laff at me again.. ahh ahh what do they mean by that, do i look like a clown( okay okay i didn't really do it, i was actually thinking of it sha.. lol . fear no let me slap person like that o and Agata for that matter)

5 hours later, the cousin finally left after trying to get my attention for hours ( see me see wahala o dem send u come). I thought he was okay before oo, but after all those intense staring and lips licking i was just too uncomfortable


My client's babe says i am too young to be working for him( because most people who have worked for him in the past are in their 40's or 50's). Talk about putting sand in some one's garri.. hmm i need this job. this woman let me be oo

I was talking to my uncle yesterday and he told me he did a similar job. he own case is different because he was a doctor back home, but u know since he has no paper and all that time, man must survive...

My uncle and his friend were working in this nursing home and they had to do the same thing i did with my job, just that they had 6 patients each and my client doesn't really defecate. well they started the job, everything was going fine until his friend started complaining

uncle's friend: bros i don tire for this job haba, which can thing be this who go believe say a whole doctor like me go dey clean person sheet. mehh this job don tire me oo. no be say the money make sense in the first place.

uncle: wetin we go do now, man must survive. make we just use this one hold body small before we write our exam

uncle's friend: i no no about u, but today is my last day oo. i no just fit again. worst comes to worst i go go back to naija, at least i still get dignity there..

My uncle's friend eventually left the job. my uncle still carried on. he was like its not that bad now this people to do sef..(his friend)... so this day my uncle has finish feeding and cleaning them up, one more patient to go.. my uncle fed and cleaned her up( he said him even decided to powder her. so she could scent nice). My uncle was about to leave her when he heard a booming farting sound, he just changed her less than 20 seconds ago. he was like okay let me just change her.. big mistake..... when he opened the diaper, the smell was intoxicating and the sheet was steaming hot, yea literally with smoke and all. there and then my uncle quit the job and worked away( i no say man must survive, i ll not kill myself now. a whole doctor like me..). job in this Yankee is not easy oo lol

HEAVY HEART

My cousin who was on the coma from my last post just passed away two hours ago.... what more can i say.... May his soul rest in peace.

GETTING SITUATED ON BLOGSVILLE

Okay its day 2 on blogsville ,and i think i am addicted oo( who send me message).. not to mention i ve an exam tomorrow. i thought facebook was addictive, but it seems blogsville is own its level of addiction. I was about reading for my exams before o.. dont know how i even got here sef.. una sure say this blogsville no get juju lol.

Anyhow, so i got my first real job in yankee after 2yrs.. there are jobs everywhere oo, but i wanted a professional job( or something closer to my field). ok so i started work (nursing assistant)on friday. All i have to do is take care of this guy for 12 hours, bath, change and feed him.. nothing major. I got there by 8 in the morning, introduced myself and he told me what my schedule will be like blah blah blah. Remember this is my first job o and i didnt work with a man doing training. He told me he wanted to be fed first. afterwards im say he wan watch TV

I was like this is too easy now. na i join the guy watch the movie

3 hours later the was like brownskin i am ready for my bath, so i bought all the things i needed... where i stop, ehen so i bought everything needed for his bath; washed his face, hands, legs and all. Time to watch his private area now. he wear this catheter thing on his private part ok penis haba.. The catheter is like a condom that is connected to a tube, so when he urinates the urine goes straight to the tube..( i don teach una something now abi lol).

I removed the catheter thing , so i could cleans his penis( it looked small before). i started cleaning oo and low and behold the thing just raise and stood at attention. To say i was shocked is an understatement ( how the thing come stand like that again) , na im i step back oo.. the thing was just standing there looking at me like shuoo this chic clean me now. I heard the guy laffing and i looked up, this guy was tearing up o. i was like whats so funny cos i didnt find it funny at all o. The dude was like i should see the look on my face, i sha cleaned him up and changed the catheter thing , still the penis no wan hear oo.. was just looking at me.

Time to put a new catheter now, i no no wetin to do o. i had to ask cos i have not done it before, so i was like guy how i wan take put this things( of course in my funny yankee accent). Dude was like its like a condom just put it there. For my mind i say ahh ahh this thing no suppose hard.. no be condom.. na lie oo.

30 mins later i was sweating like a christmas goat( as the weather cold reach), no be small thing oo. i didnt even knoe when i told his penis to relax..

brownskin: penis relax now you are too big joo

The guy started tearing up again o. i still did not find it funny oo( which kind yeye laff be this now). Dude had to explain step by step how to put the condom . i no no say condom hard like that o. I cleaned him up and changed his clothes,all in all it took me like 3 hrs plus. After that all i had to for the remaining 6 hours or so was to feed him and watch tv. I guess the job is okay..

I just had a bad new today that my cousin is really sick( in a coma).. my heart and prayer goes out to him...

Make i go read oo before i put blogsville for my test lol.. its really good to be here. see u guyz later..

I HAVE ARRIVED

Finally i am a member of blogsville. I am a naija chic with a beautiful brown skin( i love my colour ohh). I just moved to the states to further my studies. I am just 5ft 9, but people want to kill me my height ( see me see wahala o, na me say make u short). People say i am funny, we ll see about that. I was inspired by naijafineboy, 36inchesofbrownlegs, bimbylads to join blogsville and yes before i forget bibi and fashinga too( before those two chics kill me). I have a twin sista(just 5mins older than me ohh, but perosn no go hear word) . i guess that is it for now... i am who i am. let the story begin.. : )