ANOTHER ONE

How are you guyz doing. Thanks for the comment from the last post, i am glad you guyz liked the joke. I have been kind of busy, exams and project.. still blogville no let me see road. Sorry if i didn't comment in your blog, i will try to do so. I will try to do a proper post when i am less busy. Enjoy the clip and the joke. Have a nice day or night :)

I know the clip is long, but its funny




Gabriel came to the Lord and said, "I have to talk to you. I have some Nigerians up here in Heaven who are causing some problems. They are swinging on the Pearly Gates, my horn is missing, and they've got Maggi sauce and Ogbono soup all over their robes; hamhocks, Isi-ewu, Cow-feet and Bokoto bones are all over the streets of Gold. Some folk are walking around with one wing, they have been late taking their turn in keeping the stairway to heaven clean. There are soda bottles all over the clouds, some aren't even wearing their halos, saying it doesn't fit with their hairstyles." The Lord said, "I made them special, as I did you, my angel. Heaven is home to all my children. If you really want to know about problems, let's call the Devil." The Devil answered the phone, "Hello? What the.! ...!, hold on one minute." The Devil returned to the phone and said, "Hello Lord, what can I do for you?" The Lord replied, "Tell me what kind of problems you are having down there." The Devil said, "Wait one minute," and put the Lord on hold. After 5 minutes he returned to the phone, and said "Okay, I'm back. What was the question?" The Lord said, "What kind of problems are you having down there?" The Devil said, "Man, I don't belieee.....hold on, Lord". This time the Devil was gone for 15 minutes. The Devil returned and said, "I'm sorry Lord, I can't talk right now. These Nigerians put the fire out, and now they are trying to install air conditioning! They even bribed my guys!!"

LOL

This clip is funny





Michael Jackson and Bobby Brown were arguing about who the best dancer was;
they said when they go to heaven they would decide.
Mariah Carey and Madonna were arguing about who the greatest prostitute was; they said when they get to heaven they would decide.
Wesley Snipes said he was the ugliest man in the world
and nobody argued with him.

In heaven, Michael Jackson came out of the door and told Bobby Brown:
"You see i told you i was the greatest dancer"
Madonna came out of the door and said,
"You see, i told you i was the greatest prostitute"
Wesley Snipes came out of the door and was angry.......
They asked him what the matter was, he said

"WHO THE HELL IS TARIBO WEST"?

BENG BENG BENG

Hey beautiful people of Blogs Villa. Hope everybody is good and your week has been going as planned. Thanks for the comments from my last post, you guyz are incredible .

I have been kind of busy; school, project, work… well work was okay this week, so on Saturday morning after doing my morning routine( feeding and cleaning Mr. Sean). We were or I was playing this new game he brought ( WANTED, I guess some of you have seen the movie). It was about 10am, and we hear this bumping sound upstairs right above his room,(he stays in an apartment). It was slow at first, then it increased gradually, bang bang bangbangbang… it went on for about 3 to 4 minutes. Mr Sean was like BSNC did you hear that. Me, hear what... I acted like I was so engrossed in the game. I didn’t even look at him. He was like never mind, I thought I heard something. That bumping sound was really audible; I was waiting for the ceiling to open sef.

Three hours later bangbangbangbang bang baaang…. Mr. Sean looked at me, you still can’t hear that. Me, ohh that sound, you know its raining outside, I guess its getting heavier by the minutes (see this man o, na my mouth you wan hear say cray fish bend).

Two hours later, it has stopped raining and I wasn’t playing the game. We hear the sound again, bang, boom, bang boomboom bang… This time I couldn’t help myself, i just bust out laughing. Mr. Sean was like so you can hear the sound now, of course I can hear the sound .. I am not deaf now, its like there were on a banging marathon( I didn’t say that to him sha). He said he thought he was going crazy, he was hearing that sound through out the night. I suggested if I should tell them to keep it down. He looked at me like I was crazy. Well I tried, what was I suppose to say…

Later that day his cousin and HGF(his babe) came over to see him, the same cousin from my other post. HGF wanted to wash his hair alone,(less work for me abi) she told me to bring his shampoo and conditioner. While she was washing the hair Mr. Sean told her, he doesn’t like the way she is doing it, he says he wants me to do it instead. She was soo pissed, she was close to crying. I felt so bad, I told Mr. Sean that I had an injury on my finger, so I can’t really do anything. I excused myself self and went to the other room. Shey you see this yeye man, now that I am getting along with HGF, the guy wants to put sand in my garri. ( I no like wahala o, at all)

The cousin was at the other room( I was like ooo which kind thing be this now). I walked past him and sat down at the other corner of the room, minding my own bizness. The cousin being the busy body that he is, came over to my side and sat beside me( the guy fine shaaa I no go lie, but I no send jo). The guy started his sermon again oo. He was like why am I forming hard to get, girl are always all over him,....…. (story story, once upon a time… na today mcheew). He was still giving his speech when HGF told me I was free to go, 1 hour before the end of my shift. I quickly gathered my stuff and walked away. The cousin was like you know this is not the end of our conversation( na im sabi, OYO for him o. no time)..

Here is my little lol gift.. Enjoy( i know its kind of old)


There was a plane going overseas. The pilot realized after they had taken off that the plane was carrying too much weight. If they didn't lighten the load they were going to crash.

So they dumped the freight.

The plane was still too heavy. Then they dumped the luggage. Still too heavy! So the pilot announced to the passengers what was going on, and asked for about 15 volunteers to jump off the plane with a parachute. The navy had been alerted, so they would have ships waiting for them below. And they would get a pass to fly free on this airline for the rest of their lives.

No one budged.

The pilot asked again, still no one moved.

So the pilot says: "OK, we're going to do pick people to jump, but fairly.

We'll go by alphabet, race by race: Please All African Americans step to the front of the plane now!"

No one moved.

He then says: "All Blacks, step to the front, please."

No one still moved.

"All Coloreds step to the front, please."

Still no one moved.

At this point a little boy asked his father: "Dad, aren't we African American or Black or Colored?"

The father says: "No, son, today we're Negroes. And if someone doesn't hurry up and step up to the front, we're going to be Zulu!"

Hope you guyz have a Wonderful month :)

HAPPENINGS...

Hey fellow citizens of blogsville. I hope everybody is great and you guyz are having a wonderful week. Thanks again for all comments, you guyz are far too kind. Can I hear an encore do you want more( okay ignore the last sentence…).

Work last week was okay, still no drama. I should be happy right?.. Mr Sean is still staring at my starables( boobs). On Saturday, we were discussing about something and out of nowhere he says since his incident he has never had a worker that made him laugh soo hard, I am a wonderful company and he is glad I work with him. (That was the nicest thing he has ever said to me.. I think. ). I was really touched.. even when he calls me sweetheart, dear, sweetie and tells me my boyfriend is soo lucky( I no tell am anything about bf oo). That simple statement topped it all for me. VSNC(my twin) thinks he likes me, but I think he is just trying to be nice abi no be so.

For the first time since I started this job, I was free on Sunday, so i went to church( yes I finally did. Thank you lord). Instead of VSNC and bibi to let me rest, they insisted we go out. First of all the sun was insane. I know I am African, but almost 90 degrees… what is that.. On our way to pick bibi, nightrider refuses to cool us down. The yeye thing was just blowing hot air ( as the weather hot reach).. VSNC did her abracadabra and he responded to her.

We got to the theater and the only movie that seems watchable was Obsessed staring idris ( the guy from daddy’s little girl) and beyonce.( the babe married to jay z).. The soda was close to 5 dollars for a cup, bibi refused to take the soda. I had to drink something, my mum and aunt thinks I am dehydrated and stressed, so I need a lot of fluid in my system. I think I am just lazy jo.. The place was jam-packed, we had to sit in the first row( I was like make this thing no fall on top person head). The movie was okay, nothing special about it. It was too predictable, like our naija home video. I can’t wait for wolverine to come out..

Bibi removed her audio post o. why I don’t know. I honestly thought it was nice, but she says most people were laying emphases on how young she sounded and not the audio post itself. Hopefully we will do something together pretty soon…

Is it just me or is everybody writing an essay on their status update..I was going to blog about something else, I don’t know what happened. Well I saw this write up somewhere by Ali Baba. I though It was funny, so I wanted to share.. Enjoy!!!



Why does anyone choose to wear white shirts when he or she knows that the armpit area of the shirt is yellow yellow Why? Especially when you have not been selected by MTN as brand ambassador. The fact that that part is yellow (as against yellowish) purely shows that the hair under your armpit is a fermentation factory for sulphur.

By the way, out of curiosity, why do people with this custard condition always want to put their arms around you? They also come to church and are the first to shout Alleluia! Not minding the line of sight of the person next to them. I know I shouldn’t be looking and judging people in church… but what happened to cleanliness is next to Godliness. This one isn’t even next to… its right inside God’s house. I don’t know the Bible very well but there should be some penance for that kind of un-cleanliness.

The way I see it, is that you either shave the Bush or stop wearing white shirts altogether. Don’t even try other shirt colours. We all know yellow doesn’t mix well with other colours. It’s a very vibrant colour so if you go on to other shirt colours you will end up having the armpit part of your shirt looking like adire fabric or Ghanaian kente! Pay hair-ttention to your armpits, please or wear a suit. Better still, look for some Texan black leather jacket (yacket if you are Calabar and zacket if you are in any way related to Vice President Goodluck Zonathan).

Another matter that matters if you are in an enclosed place is the indescribable pollution of the air when some knit wit decides to remove his smelly feet from the safe protection and containment of his of shoes for fresh air. Fresh air? You just killed the fresh air! Air murderer! The other day as we were watching a movie in my study, a romantic scene had a man kissing a woman all over. I mean allllllll over. One lady dared to say, you see… Nigerian men don’t love like this. God forbid bad thing. Any man who licks or kisses any smelly feet like this will die of unknown causes.
What of bad breath? People who have this serious condition always want to whisper things to you. No. Write whatever you feel like telling me down. I can read with you around… breathing is my problem. Oh , better still send a text. After now una go they wonder why babes no dey kiss una. Even just blowing a kiss can be a problem. Some bad breath travel by Bluetooth. Its not about just brushing your teeth. You SHOULD scrub your tongue too. In fact, I stand to be corrected, its not your teeth that smells. Its that backyard of your tongue.

Now there is a reason that made someone sweat it out in a laboratory to create a fabric freshener. Please buy one. Or change your wash man. OH sorry, you think that place you drop your clothes is a DRYCLEANERS’? You wish. How can your give clothes to be washed and they come back smelling funky? Improperly made starch and sour smelling freshness. I sat next to one guy at the departure lounge, we know each other from way back. He wore a shirt that was neatly ironed. The smoothness reminded me of inspections in the hostels in those days. In all that smoothness was the smell of fabric not properly washed or well dried. So every now and then I will ask him, you mess? He will say Nooo, how can? I will give him time and ask again. Until I pitied him and told him. He had the effrontery to say he thought that something had died around somewhere.

Ladies please, I don’t want to expose other things… because this is a blog for everyone. BUT PLEASE, PLEASE! Must your braids have an anniversary before you remove it? Like a friend asked, Are braids and weave-on pregnancies? One lady entered the lift from the 4th floor of a 14 floor building… we all got out on the 7th floor and use the stairs. She was going to the penthouse. She was a “big madam” in the office. I kid you not. Do you know how long braids are kept to take on the smell of locust beans being prepared by an Ilorin woman?

That was the day I wished I had cold. And she is married. How can any man sleep through that stench. I don’t even want to imagine his other matrimonial obligations.

Tufiakwa!

Lol that is Ali Baba for you. Have a lovely week people..

MERCEDES, WORK AND CRAZY EIGHT MEME

This blogville citizens, you guyz are too much o. Thanks a lot for all the comments( I dey feel like a young alhaji because una dey burn my heart). I know.. I know I have not blogged in a while, its not my fault o, school and work palaver no let me see road.( thanks Abeni I am okay)..

As I am typing the post, my head is aching like crazy, but I said I must blog today and blog I will.. Work was okay this week, nothing special happened.. ohh yes something happened. Yours truly almost passed out or did I pass out.. I don’t know again jo. All I remembered was ,I was talking to Mr Sean( my patient) one minute and the next I could not hear what he was saying, I couldn’t see clearly. I had to excuse myself, it was kind of scary , I never faint before o. it was nothing major sha, everything happened within seconds. The guy was scared, he didn’t allow me do anything that day.. I felt bad. I told VSNC( my twin) what happened and the big mouth told my mum. My mum called me like every 20 minutes through out that day( who said vsnc message hisss). It wasn’t that serious now, but na wa o, a whole agbaya like me wan just faint like that..

I think Mr Sean and HGF( his girlfriend) are going through some minor problems.. hopefully they sort themselves out. All I did was play his game all day. Ehen before I forget Mr Sean has been staring at my boobies these dayz o. At first I thought it was nothing, but the guy will just stare at them continuously for minutes. I have to cross my arms on my chest constantly. I asked him once what he was doing, he said he was thinking about something( so na my boobies you dey use take dey think now abi). Abeg that one is his wahala, e go tire to look one day.

I just finished one hard exam today, but I know I did well(amen o). This chic just copied everything I wrote.. I looked at her, the chic looked back at me… straight in my eyes and continued what she was doing . see boldness to spy another person work.( I no just get power, make she copy jo)

Let me gist you guyz about Mercedes. We have 4 dogs in naija, but only one of them stands out( Mercedes). Mercedes is an Alsatian breed( our first dog), the finest dog in the bunch. Well when Mercedes was a puppy, my brothers used to give him brandy and beer( star, guilder, small stout). Everybody liked Mercedes, he was friendly, obedient and he knew several tricks until one fateful day.

I was playing chess outside with my cousin one afternoon, there was no light in the house( you know NEPA now) and it was kind of hot, so we decided to play the game outside and the weather not bad outside. Anyhow we were playing chess and I think Mercedes was out of his cage, running around the compound. My cousin called Mercedes a couple of times, he didn’t answer. My cousin walked towards Mercedes, he stopped shaking his tail.. looked at my cousin differently and chased my cousin around the house. I even left the chess board outside and ran inside the house. We were kind of surprised, Mercedes has never acted that way before.. We later found out that the alcohol my brothers gave him when he was puppy was affecting his brain. The vet said the dog has a minor mental problem( no mind the thief doctor, how dog take dey get mental problem again. ). My cousin said the dog was bi-polar… I have to agree with him

We observed Mercedes for a while and noticed if he starts acting funny and we ignored him, he comes back to his normal state or whatever that is.. Anyway there was the chief that comes to see my dad, with his agbada and walking stick. The guy liked Mercedes, he used to bring suya for the dog sef( you can imagine we never chop suya, na dog dem dey give suya chop hissss). The chief did not know that Mercedes has become bi-polar over night. Chief told us to let his friend out of the cage ( for some reason everybody forget to tell chief say our dog don dey kolo small small). He gave the dog the suya, Mercedes chop suya finish lick mouth, then he started acting funny again. All I saw was this big chief with his big belly bouncing everywhere, running inside the house, he left his walking stick outside and his agbada had several bite marks. The chief was shaking, sweating and cursing.. that was the last we saw of him. He never stepped foot in our house, my dad went to his house instead. He said Mercedes needs deliverance. The dog tormented a lot of people sha…

The recent one I heard yesterday was that my grandma( the one from my other post) is looking for someone to kill the dog, my brother said the dog tore one of her new wrappers.( and you know now, old women don’t joke with their wrappers).. she said is either someone kills the dog or she will do it herself. Mercedes don do pass himself..

Congratulations to Our very own Gee.. She is now a Bachelor holder ( it is not an easy something o) more grease to your elbows chica and good luck to those who have exams. God will see you through….

I was tagged by the beautiful bob ij on the crazy 8 meme.

8 Things I look forward to

1. Getting a Tylenol, motrin or panadol for this annoying headache
2. Finishing school
3. Going to Naija on December
4. Our summer road trip
5.Getting my buju banton CD from my cousin
6. Getting my next pay check 
7. Going to church this Sunday
8.Hanging out with my family

8 Things I did yesterday

1. Spoke to my brother from naija
2. Did a little work out
3. Ate a very delicious moin moin my mum cooked
4. Studied like crazy for my exams
5. Got another text message from my unknown admirer( I tire oo)
6.Went out with VSNC( my twin)
7.Did another meme( 100 truth). I was also tagged
8. Stalking people’s blog

8 Things I wish to do

1. Go back in time
2. Win the lottery
3.Get something for this headache
4.Go to Naija every month( yea right)
5. Sleep regularly
6.Exercise frequently..
7.Go to church every Sunday
8. See my family all at the same place

8 shows I watch

1. lie to me
2.one tree hill
3. house
4. half and hald
5. eve
6.ANTM ( my brother hates the show…lol)
7. American idol
8.supernatural

8 Bloggers tagged
1. Bibi
2. Buttercup
3.Abeni
4. Gee
5. L-VII
I need to tag some guyz now
6. scribbles
7. Roc
8. Dante


I need to take something for this headache o, seriously…..

Have a wonderful week people

DRIVING LESSIONS

My dad just got back from work, he was in the parlor reading The Guardian( a newspaper). It was about 6:00pm, so the sun was still setting. I was 15 going on 16, done with high school, so I had a long break, trying to prepare for JAMB. This was my third time that week of asking my dad the same favour over and over again.( I can be a pest when I really want something). I entered the sitting room and said my greetings. He replied, but he never took his eyes off the paper. I tried to get his attention

BSNC: daddy I love your new shoes, where did you get them from. Have you eaten today, I can get something for you. What are reading….. ( I got tired of asking questions). Daddy, daddy…. daddy!!!

Dad: For Christ sake bsnc, what do you want? Can’t you see am tired (he finally put down the news paper)

BSNC: Daddy I have been asking you for this little favour since last week. I want to learn how to drive. I have so much time on my hands now. I just want to learn how to drive

Dad: you are too young. How many girls your age do you see driving a car.. ehh?

BSNC: but da…

Dad: I said no. If you want to go out, tell your brothers or better still tell my driver.

BSNC: daddy is not fair oo. Shey its because am a girl… baby ( my younger brother) can drive, but I can’t.. Why.. . Its not like am asking you for a car even though you brought cars for my brothers when they graduated from high school. This world is so unfair, there is no justice. Women are always treated like second class citizen. You are a lawyer now, you should know all this ( I was not backing down this time)

Dad: he took one look at me, he started to frown, but he couldn’t hold back the laughter that came out. My goodness bsnc when did you become a lawyer?

BSNC: I was frowning and sulking so hard, I felt a headache coming. I refused to answer him, instead I crossed my arms and grumbled under my breath..

Dad: okay okay fine. I will tell my driver to teach or do you want one of brothers to help you

BSNC: I was so happy. Yes I won, but I didn’t want to sound too excited. I thought about it, my dad’s driver is one old guy that like preaching to everybody whenever he finds the opportunity, not that am the devil or anything, but I was not in that mood. I chose one of my brothers who treat me like a gem


My journey of driving began. We drove in this big school compound(me, my sis and two of my brodas). I wanted to use my dad’s car because it was automatic, but my bro says we have to learn with the manual first( it was so hard, why can’t I just use the automatic and make life easy for everybody). I always forget to press the clutch and change the gear. My sister has already picked up within 4 days. I was still moping around

Brown skin brother 1(the one teaching us to drive): Don’t worry you will get it. Take your time.

BSB 2: The girl go just spoil your car before this week end.

BSB 1: abeg leave her jo. She no be VSNC. She will get it

I was getting frustrated. I was trying my best and BSB 2 was making the situation worse, haba( who even send him to follow us sef hisss). Two days later I got it , by this time my sister could drive home. I move one step and she is two steps ahead of me. Anyhow my bro was like shey you know you are driving us home today. Who me, No, please I don’t think I’m ready. My brother; don’t worry you will be okay. I am here, trust me

We sha argued for 20 minutes. after which I summoned up courage and agreed to drive. I was so scared, my hands were sweaty, I could you hear the sound of my heart beat. I said a silent prayer and began my quest.

The distance from the school to my house was about 15 minutes. I felt so good, i couldn’t believe I was the one driving. Six blocks away from my house and the unexpected happened. The road to my house is very narrow, so if a big car is passing, the other car has to wait and vice versa. I know everybody in our area 13 blocks away, we are like one big enormous family. I was driving with one hand( I know lol am a big show off), everybody was waving at me and they were like can you see, bsnc is driving. I turned the music up, I was feeling like a roc star. Wyclef was blaring on the sterio “Enemies.. on the borderline, who be the next to fire.. 41 shot by diallo side. He said he rips sir, but he didn’t have no peace, but now he rest in peace, in the valley of the beast…. Diallo diallo”….( I love that song)
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=3Itu-vykAZE

Where did I stop again? Ehen anyways I was six blocks away from my house and I saw the trailer( lorry..lol) coming and he was coming fast. I looked at my brother. He says bsnc pass now. I looked at him, looked at the trailer, looked at my sister, put the car on park.. opened the door and ran away( when I think of it now, I felt so stupid).i heard him calling, but I didn’t turn back. I just kept on running till I got home.

He got home 5 minutes later. I heard him calling me, heard him shouting my name. I was with my dad by this time ( I knew he couldn’t to anything to me). He came in, saw me and my dad. He gave me the dagger look; I must admit I have never seen my bro that angry before. I tried to apologize, but before I could say anything the insults just started pouring out from his mouth. I felt so bad, my dad was even angry with me. Do you want to kill your sister and your brother, how could you leave them like that. I wasn’t thinking straight that was the first thing that popped out of my head. My brother didn’t speak to me for a whole day( I cried all day, I felt so helpless), but he later spoke to me and told me he forgave me. After which he insisted I should never drive again

I knew before they told me, my driving days were over. I didn’t get behind the wheels again until two years later. We laugh about it now, but when I think about it now. All I can say is what was I thinking.. Did I mention am a good driver now, even though my mum can’t stand my driving. According to her I drive like a mad woman..lol , interpretation; I drive too fast. I drive too fast, but I have not gotten any ticket yet. (5 miles above the speed limit is too fast for her)

Hope a lovely day or night or better still have a lovely week

SAD YET NICE

Hello people. Hope your week has been going as planned. I want to use this opportunity to thank you guyz for the birthday wishes, you all are far too kind. Most of you think i had double the fun because my day was on Easter day. Well try zeroing the fun, not even a tea spoon of it.

I had to work all day long. Mr. Sean (my patient) was not happy all day, so he was kind of moody. At first, i was like i should be the miserably one. I later found out that he was expecting some of his family members to come celebrate Easter with him, but they back off at the last minute with their flimsy excuses. Even HGF (his girlfriend) did not show up, so it was a drama free day. I felt sorry for him. I joked about the pathetic day i was having also and we both agreed I deserved the award for the miserable one. I tried to make light of the situation; we talked, watched a couple of movies and played his game. It wasn't a good or a bad day, just an okay day.

I got home later that day; everyone gave me their hugs and presents. We just had a little family dinner which was really nice. I was taken by surprise when I checked my phone, I have never seen so many missed calls, text messages and voice mails in my life( I guess because I couldn’t answer most of the calls). Then I checked face book and blogville,( the icing on the cake). You guyz really made my day worthwhile. I’m really thankful



My little LOL present. Enjoy………


A woman accompanied her husband to the doctor's office. After his checkup, the doctor called the wife into his office alone.

He said, "Your husband is suffering from a very severe disease, combined with horrible stress. If you don't do the following, your husband will surely die:

"Each morning, fix him a healthy breakfast. Be pleasant, and make sure he is in a good mood. For lunch make him a nutritious meal he can take to work. And for dinner, prepare an especially nice meal for him. Don't burden him with chores, as this could further his stress.

"Don't discuss your problems with him; it will only make his stress worse. Try to relax your husband in the evening by wearing lingerie and giving him plenty of back rubs. Encourage him to watch some type of team sporting event on television.

"And, most importantly make love with your husband several times a week and satisfy his every whim. If you can do this for the next 10 months to a year, I think your husband will regain his health completely."

On the way home, the husband asked his wife, "What did the doctor say?"

"You're going to die," she replied.

Have a Blessed week