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Thursday, September 15, 2011


Hey everyone. I know it’s been a while. How have you guyz been? I missed you guys. I promised myself that the next time I come here; I will blog about my grandma. She has been around for a while and I truly enjoyed their company, but I have not been a happy camper.

First half of this year was wonderful. I was overfilled with joy and happiness. My siblings either finished school, or got a job or got a promotion. Nothing could go wrong. My brother’s wife delivered a handsome baby boy. My first nephew ever, I was hoping for a girl, but oh well. To top it off I even graduated from nursing school. I was really grateful and thankful for God’s blessings to my family.

Second half of the year was shockingly different. First of all I lost a close friend. I did not believe he was dead until I saw his lifeless body during his funeral. I could not sleep at night or concentrate during the day. All I could think about was his lifeless body. My twin warned me to not look at the body, but did I listen? It took me about 3 weeks before I could have a good night sleep. It was a terrible period. I kept in touch with his family and I was glad to find out there were doing much better. I still pray for his family from time to time. My mum and my grandma were supported. I found a reason to smile again. A month later, after this incident, I got a call from my uncle in Nigeria. He told me my aunt passed away that morning. My aunt that I spoke to two days ago! . I even joked about bringing her to the states this December. Less than two months, another big blow in the stomach. It affected my grandma so much. My mum tried to be strong for both of us, but sometimes I feel her breaking down. I didn’t tell my friends. I just carried on like there was no problem in the world, yet I was weak inside.

I know it’s unhealthy to keep my emotions bottled up, but I can’t help it. I grew up with a lot of boys and they hardly show their emotions. I guess that is one of the bad habits I picked up from them. Blogger is one of the few places I can really let things out. I am still trying to get over my aunts death and put myself together. Then recently in the mail, I got the result of my test. I failed the test. The test I have been preparing for. I know they say I can still take the test again this year, but really I failed. I am still in shock because I prepared for it and I even prayed about it on several occasions. To top it off, I didn’t get the job I applied for a while ago.

At this point, I think I am almost completely shut down. I am emotionally drained, mentally weak and physically exhausted. However, I am still spiritually hopeful. The last time I got this low was when I lost my dad. I was powerless and prayed everyday for a couple of weeks that I die in my sleep. The difference between then and now is that I may be depressed and feeling really down, but I am not praying for death. I am hopeful and praying for a brighter day. It may seem really dark now, but I know there is a light at the end of this tunnel. I just hope this pain will stop before the end of this year. I may not know why all these things are happening right now, but I am a strong believer of the phrase, “everything happens for a reason”. Just remember me in your prayers. I hope next time I come here, I will be in a better mood : ). They say in every situation you find yourself, gives thanks to the lord. Thank you lord.

Congratulations to Sirius for the newest member of their family and Gee on her recent engagement. Nice anon we are going to miss you around this spot : )