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Monday, August 31, 2009


Hey beautiful people. How are you guyz doing? It will be a new month very soon, so happy September in advance, wish you guyz all the best with school, work, relationship, marriages, children, man wahala…… wow see comments, thanks a lot guyz. I know I have said this too many times, but still you guyz are wonderful.

Yes I won the lottery. When I saw the numbers yesterday I could not believe my luck. What am I going to do with that amount of money? I am still thinking about it. I am going to use it on.. no I will use it on.. Even though its just two dollars I won..lol. Yes I said it, 2 dollars, don’t look at me like that jo, you don win lottery before hiss. My second time playing this lottery thing. Who knows *keeping my fingers crossed*

Reggie is still not talking to me. I refuse to apologies (wetin I do sef). The only thing he said to be is your hair looks nice ( yea I did this superfly hair , check me out na…lol no mind me o) that was it. Oh well the earth does not revolve around you, reggie, hope he realizes that soon.

I was left with Mr. S all week. Here I was with Mr. S bored stiff, staring at the ceiling for what seems like centuries. He was kind of moody, don’t want to watch TV, don’t want to play game, and don’t even want to talk and that stupid time was taking forever to reach one full minute, just one minute. If this guy thinks he will suck me in that mood, he has another thing coming for him. I moved the door with my legs, he looked at me. He was like bsnc did you see that. See what I said (I think say u no wan talk b4 hisss). The door, the door just moved. I was like really (this could be fun, let me play with this guy’s head a little..lol). I looked at the door, Mr.S are you sure you saw it move. He was like never mind. The second time I moved the door forcefully, the guy almost jumped out from the bed. I heard a loud farting sound afterwards (he almost killed me with that toxic poison o, the thing was stinking gawwwd, no be me dey find trouble) He was like bsnc I know you saw that, I tried to control myself, but the look on his face was too funny( I cover my mouth laff o, before bad thing enter my mouth). I told him I was just messing with him, at least he loosened up a little. I checked him afterward and found out this guy did some serious number 2. I literally scared the shit OUT of the guy.

Mr. S asked me if I liked scary movie. I was like its okay. We watched 3 scary movie together ( the guy get time sha, I tell you )and he was surprised I didn’t scream in any of them. He was like are you not scared of these movies. I told him American movies don’t scare me this dayz. The only American movie that really scared me was NIGHTMARE ON ELM STREET, but I was still really young then. I told him the movies they make nowadays are just plain disgusting, not scary per say. He asked me about my scariest movie. Here is what I told him…

I must have been 8 or 9. My dad was not in town; my mum got back from work and went straight to bed. I remember it was a school night (yea they force us to sleep early too). I was watching this movie with vsnc, my brothers and a couple of my cousins who were staying over. I can’t remember the name of the movie now, but it was scaaaary. ( afraid dey catch me..lol). No it wasn’t LIVING IN BONDAGE, but that was another scary movie sha. Anytime I hear the door move, I check if there is any ghost( like say I for sittam dey look spirit) I was even scared of my own shadow, you don see that kind thing before. Ehen to the movie jare . I was so scared of this home video, but my brothers were there now, so I dey form hard babe. They showed a part in the movie where the chic appeared from nowhere, I put my head behind one of my brothers back ( tell me why am I tormenting myself to watch film…). The way my bro jumped ehn, my other brodas were like ahn ahn you dey fear naija film again. He was like no now, bsnc just scared me a little.

I wanted to go to my room, but vsnc refused to follow me. I beg this babe tire, she no gree( na so the fear catch me). My brother told me to bring water from the kitchen. I was like who, me.. lai lai, there is no way I am leaving the parlour o ( ehn make the thing come appear for kitchen). He was bsnc I said go and bring water for me. I looked at him like he was on mute ( ehn this one no be seniority matter o). When the guy talk tire, im rest now. Nobody left that parlour the whole time. ( na small bsnc go come leave hisss) The unexpected happen, NEPA took light o.. Yes NEPA must do their thing, for a moment everything was quiet, a minute later I heard footstep of people running, chair and table crashing. Ehen so this people wan leave me here alone. I pick race too. I don’t even know how I got to my room sef. Can you imagine agbayas like my brothers leaving me and my sis in that parlour like that. 5 minutes later the light came back, I swear nobody moved at inch from their room. I could hear the TV sound ( who get mind to go off TV now).

The next morning my mum was asking us who left the TV on. I saw one of my brothers the next morning. I was like shuoo so you didn’t off the TV. He was like he was so tired and his head was aching him (your head is aching you alright..lol). The next day I went to school and you would not believe nobody finish that movie. NEPA did their thing the same time and I guess everybody was too scared to finish the movie. I know if I see the movie now I will laugh about it, the way I laugh about willy willy. I saw it not too long ago, its just wan agbaya with bedsheet vanishing like a lunatic…

Have a wonderful week guyz and month too

PS: I would not be blogging as much, but I will stop here every once in a while. You know school and its palaver

PSS: abeg you guyz should help me beg bibi now. It was a slip of typing.

Tuesday, August 25, 2009


Wow i can't believe it. Its my 50th post, yes it is... yes it is. I saw most peeps doing their 50th, i was like don't worry i will get there soon and now i am here YAY!!!. Its not just my 50th post, its been aproximately 6 months i touched down Blogs Villa, thus the name HALF & HALF..

I remember my first post, Afrobabe was the first ever to disvirgin my blog...lol. ( her words) . I went to her blog, i remember my aunt was at my house that day and she said, bsnc is it not early to be looking at those pictures...lol. i opened my mouth, closed them, opened my mouth again.. nothing came out, i didn't know what to tell her now. I just smiled. My first follower ever was roc naija. I remember going to his blog too and i was like shuoo, all this blogsville people sef...lol. I was still strolling through blogsville when i saw temite, bumight and CLG struggling to be first all the time. I was like what is the big deal with this first thing sef, then i was first on someone's blog and it felt good oo...lol.( i ll not lie) if you see the way i screamed eh ( on the blog that is..lol). I also remember going to buttercup's blog, for some reason i didn't know it was hers and chari's blog. I think i left several comments that was meant for buttercup, chari was kind of confused.. I had to read the heading of their blog again. i felt so stupid..lol

Now i have over 10 comments on each post, over 70 followers {thx alot :)}, a couple of chat buddies i love to chat with, i really do. I have learnt alot from blogsville and i hope to learn more. I enjoy reading your stories, poem, rants, jokes, comments.... I have shared alot with you guyz, like my own special dairy. I never knew i could write anything concerning poetry, now i am motivated by you guyz. I am glad i am a member of this group, i don't know how to thank you guyz enough. I am indeed grateful. Sometimes VSNC will say bsnc you will die on top this blogger o...lol, the babe no understand jo. I hope to continue this journey, read more blogs, discover new bloggers, learn more and hopefully put a smile in at least one person's face...

This one is for you blogsville. You guyz are too much.. CHEERS.

*celebration plays in the background*

black rubies
bob ij
blowing blessing your way xoxo
cuppucine baby
danny bagucci
dee brighton
frankie rose
fumns the rebirth
fancy me free
freddie girl
girl with the red hair
God among us
gourmet truffle
just toluwa
just doyin
kenn knotty
london diva
lady X
ms O
mister jaycee
miss odukoya
miss natural
miss fly high
miss fab
miss lowlah
miss love
miss subrosa
ms dufa
my world
miz- cynic
naughty eye
nice anon
nigerian fetish
omo tee
omo oba
one + the one
original mgbeke
optimistic alyzz
pink satin
red cherrie
repressed one
robby scribbles
sex kitten
scarlet boy
shubby doo
spicy tee
spicy cafe
sugar king
soul boutique
sassy trends
the girl with the red hair
tis all about me
the source
taiofierce ameen
unguarded heart
what nigerian women want
white freak
BIBI abeg no vex oo.
anonymous (happy....lol)

PS: Abeg if your name is not up there no vex, i take God beg you. At least those cake will go round..lol

PSS: i know i just broke the rules by avoiding those questions...lol. :)

Have a nice week..


Hey people. wataquain, whatz is popping ina me yard. Me write another poem ya know... okay enough of that..lol . So this is my second peom and its a continuation of my first poem( i dunno how to put link jo). Before you guyz start telling me to look for the key under my bed or iniside an unknown cave like my first poem. Its just a poem ooo( i think). Please tell me what you think... yes the title sophomore poem...lol. couldn't think of a title...

I took out the padlock and placed my hand on the door knob
I was hesitant at first, I opened the door and peeped through
Sitting there on the porch(veranda..lol) was love
He was the most beautiful thing i had seen in a while
flawless skin, captivating looks and charming aura.....
I know they say all that glitters is not gold
This gold could glitter all it wants.
Because i am past caring
I felt in love with love, he was everything i imagined and more
I was in a fantasy land, the land of wonders
lurking in the shadows was heart break
But i didn't pay heed, this love is blind indeed
In a blink of an eye heart break overpowered love
It happened so fast i didn't see it coming.
Loneliness and pain crept in from the window
I never allowed them in
Now all i am left with is loneliness, pain and heartbreak
Despite all this i still believe in love


A teacher notices that a little boy at the back of the class is squirming around, scratching his crotch and not paying attention. She goes back to find out what's up. He's quite embarrassed and whispers that he has just recently been circumcised and he's quite itchy. The teacher tells him to go down to the principal's office, to phone his mom, and ask her what he should do about it. He does this and returns to the class, sits down in his seat and suddenly, there's a general commotion at the back of the room. Back down she goes, only to find him sitting at his desk with his penis hanging out. "I thought I told you to call your mom" she says. "I did" he says. "She told me that if I could stick it out till noon, she'd come and pick me up from school."

Have a beautiful day :)

Monday, August 24, 2009


I came back from work, i was so tired but my aunt was doing this little get together. I have to be there to help in any way i can. There i was looking kind of nice if i must say so myself ( yes oh mo gbono feli feli....lol). I was talking to this guy who was bursting my head with his lyric( or so he thinks). I heard this thick ibo accent, i was so such i have heard it somewhere before. I turned to the direction of this voice. It was none other than pale....lol. Yes i thought i was imagining things, how did he know my aunt and it was a small get together. Of all the people in the world i have to see..

Pale was sitting beside my aunt's husband, they were really preocuppied in what ever they were discussing because he didn't see me pass. I said hello to my aunt's husband and look directly into pale's eyes. He was telling my aunt's hubby, who is this fine young lady. ( eh did i hear this man correctly, did he just say what i thought he said). I heard my aunt's hubby saying, she is my wife's niece, you know the xx daughter. Pale was like ohh i see. ( yes you see alright hiss)I was confused o, did i dream about the whole summer. I was like are you not Mr. pale... my aunt's hubby was like do you know him. I told him, i thought i did. ( maybe it was someone that looks like him)

I went downstairs, played a little game with my cousins, while i was going back upstair i met pale by the stairway. I was walking pass him when he called my name. I knew it.. i know i was not going crazy, so this baboon knows me after all. I was like pale i said hello to you and you ignored me. He was like you see bsnc, i didn't know this was your aunt's place and my wife is around. I was like so.. He said i wouldn't understand( i didn't want to even understand sef.... yeye man ). He was like bsnc you are looking good today maybe that was why i couldn't recognize you before. (the man think say i get time) I took a step forward, he was like bsnc i am talking to you now. why didn't you pick up my calls eh, your friend gave me your number ( that stupid girl). I picked up his call once thinking it was somebody else, only to find out it was the big head calling. He was like have you changed your mind yet, i am still considering you o...( abeg someone should tell me what this man is considering me for biko, i wish i could speak ibo maybe he might understand better)

I told him plain and simple if he as much as call my phone or talk to me about anything other than school, i will report him to my aunt's who will give me his wife's number. He was like all this small girls of nowadays, you think you are bold. you don't understand i will..... my aunt walked . She was like bsnc where have you been, i need you to help me with something. pale walked away as she was talking to me. My aunt was like ehen bsnc what were you doing talking to that man. He is a woman wrapper, he goes about chasing young girls. His wife is tired of complaining. I told my aunt about my incident with pale and we had a good laugh.

I helped my aunt to clean a little. when i went back to the parlour pale was nowhere to be found. I relaxed and try to enjoy myself even though i was really tired. Did i mention that my aunt is a good cook, i think i gained an extra 5 pounds that night. Since that night pale has not called me since, hopefully he leaves me alone.. for good this time around.


There were two high school sweethearts who went out together for four years in high school and were both virgins and enjoyed losing their virginity with each other in 10th grade. When they graduated, they wanted to both go to the same college but the girl was accepted to a college on the east coast, and the guy went to the west coast. They agreed to be faithful to each other and spend anytime they could together. As time went on, the guy would call the girl but she was never home and when he wrote, she would take weeks to return any letters. Even when he e-mailed her, she took days to return his messages. Finally, she confessed to him that she wanted to date around. He didn't take this very well and increased his calls and letters and e-mails trying to win back her love. Because she became annoyed, and now had a new boyfriend, she wanted to get him off her back. So what she did was this: She took a polaroid picture of her sucking her new boyfriend's unmentionables and sent it to her old boyfriend with a note reading, "I found a new boyfriend, leave me alone." Well needless to say, this guy was heartbroken, but even more so, he was pissed. So what he did next was awesome: He wrote on the back of the photo the following: "Dear Mom and Dad, having a great time at college, please send more money!" and then mailed the picture to her parents.

Sunday, August 23, 2009


Wow what a week. I can’t believe how fast this year has been, a couple of blinks and its September.( na wa o, just like that). Hello fellow citizens of blogs villa. How una dey. Hope you guyz are good.

I got to work on Friday. I opened the door gently hoping to see reggie and his hot bod, but there was no one there. I don’t know if I was relieved or bothered. I checked around to make sure he wasn’t home (coast clear). I breathe a sigh of relief (ok so I guess I was relief or was i…lol). I went to Mr S room and I asked about his cousin, he said his cousin went to see pick up some things and he was like why are you asking. I was like nothing, am just asking( na wa o person no fit ask simple question again…) and he was like okay bsnc… oookay ( I don’t know what was so funny o hiss)

2 hours later no show. Okay I wasn’t looking at the time every hour, I just happen to know 2 hours has passed, you know I was just… abeg let me be jo..lol. Mr. S was sleeping and I was sooo bored, I forget to bring my novel. I was by myself in the other room for 30 minutes. I put my head on the table, I think I was about to sleep when I had the door up. I didn’t have to look, I knew it was him. I heard him coming towards my direction, I felt him staring at me. He called my name twice, no answer. For about 2 minutes I didn’t hear any sound. I gently raised my head to check if he was still in the parlor. There he was looking all hunky with a big grin on his face. He was like I know you were not sleeping, I could tell from your pattern of breathing, you were trying to be smart….( pattern of breathing ke, hmmmm)

He bought me lunch; I told him I wasn’t hungry. He said it was either I eat the food or I give him my digit ( for im mind he dey feel like one sharp guy o, na today…lol). I was like fair enough. I was about to eat when he said let us make it official, he actually prayed before we ate (l was shocked o, I have not seen anybody do that in a while) I ate the food which turned out to be delicious (chicken wrap or something like that) we talked for a while and for the most part all I could think of was how cute he was, I don see this guy tire before, me no understand again abi is he using voodoo on me, person no dey know finish na. I was so engrossed in our conversation, I didn’t hear Mr. S calling me ( wahala dey o…lol)

Mr. S was so angry with me. I have been calling you since, where have you been. I was like I was with reggie in the other room. He was like reggie again, what is it with you and reggie. You should be careful with him B, I know him too well. I don’t want you to fall into his plot. I was like don’t worry about me, I’m a big girl.. I can take care of myself. Mr. S was like I am telling you as a friend ( shuo which levels with all the warning now, is not like I want to marry the guy).

I finished with Mr. S and went to meet reggie in the other room. He was like what did my cousin say. I was like he told me you are the devil, and I should stay away from you. Reggie was like I knew he was going to say something sooner or later, I really mean no harm I just like your company. I was like reggie I am not suppose to be talking to you. He was like is that what you want, I didn’t answer; cool I will stay out of your way. ( I was honestly joking oh). He walked away to his room; he ignored me through out that day and all through the weekend. I kind of felt guilty, but I have a big ego (such a huge ego…lol) I refused to apologize. I know I will apologize eventually sha, hopefully he will be in a better mood next week…

PS: guess who I saw over the weekend…lol. Don’t worry I will gist you guyz.


I am filling in the attendance roll, I am present oh. Happy Sunday people. I have been trying to keep up, but seems everybody is on an updating marathon. Hope you guyz are good sha. I finally slept on day three that is after my mum gave me like 6 tablets( over dose o), my aunt gave me something to drink( now I know its not poison), vsnc convinced me to exercise for 30 minutes and the icing of the cake my brother gave me a glass of one kind wine( sweet, but it did its job). I was knocked out for 15 hours. At least I have been having a goodnight sleep. Okay I am running late for work already. I have gist for you guyz on the morrow…

A couple were golfing one day on a very exclusive golf course, lined with million-dollar houses. On the third tee the husband said "Honey, be very careful when you drive the ball. Don't knock out any windows. It'll cost us a fortune to fix!" The wife teed up and shanked it right through the window of the biggest house on the course. The husband cringed and said "I told you to watch out for the houses! All right, let's go up there, apologise and see how much this is going to cost." They walked up, knocked on the door and heard a voice say "Come on in." They opened the door and saw glass all over the floor and a broken bottle lying on its side in the foyer. A man on the couch said "Are you the people that broke my window?" "Uh, yeah. Sorry about that." the husband replied. "No, actually I want to thank you. I'm a genie that was trapped for a thousand years in that bottle. You've released me! I'm allowed to grant three wishes, and I'll give you each one wish and keep the last one for myself." "Wow, great!" the husband said. "I want a million dollars a year for the rest of my life!" "No problem. It's the least I could do. And you, what do you want?" the genie said, looking at the wife. "I want a house in every country of the world!" she said. "Consider it done!" the genie replied. "And what's your wish genie?" the husband asked. "Well, since I've been trapped in that bottle, I haven't had sex with a woman in a thousand years. My wish is to sleep with your wife." The husband looked at the wife and said "Well, we did get a lot of money and all those houses honey. I guess I don't care." The genie took the wife upstairs and ravished her for two hours. Afterwards, the genie rolled over, looked at the wife, and said "How old is your husband anyway?" "35." she replied. "And he still believes in genies...that's amazing!"

Have a nice day

Monday, August 17, 2009


I know this my sleep wahala is getting old, but this is day three oh.. DAY THREE( its not my fault now). I didn't want to take meds before, i don't like drugs for anything. I don't think i have a choice now. I have been even praying for tse tse fly to bite me sef (yes its that serious). Meanwhile vsnc has been on a sleeping spree, taking naps every now and then and still.. she has a good night sleep. I am so tempted to wake her up, just for the hell of it....

I have gist for you guyz oh. Guess who moved in to Mr. sean's house. None other than..... wait for it, wait for it.... His cousin, yes the same cousin the LL cool J lips licking cousin, the one that torments me whenever he comes by. Okay i know there are a couple of new bloggers, so let me try and keep you up to date. Mr. Sean is the guy i work for ( my patient), he has this cousin who i nicked name LL cool J-ips-licking cousin because he licks he lips all the time. He thinks he is the cutess thing since slice bread, so i am suppose to fall head over heels in love with him. ummm... like that will happen

I decided to nick name him reggie bush now because he kind of reminds me of him besides the other name will take forever to type. I came to work on friday, took the keys and opened the door, standing in the middle of the parlour reading a magazine with this small towel around his waist( more like a paper towel) looking like a model in the cover of sport illustrated. The guy has a hot body sha, i will give him that( not that i am tripping or anything, i am just appreciating God's creation and it is beautiful in my sight..lol). The towel looked like it was about to drop any minute. I used one hand to close my eyes and i was like hey reggie. He was like hey B why are you closing your eyes, you know i have something on right. Yes, but please can you go put on some clothes or something. he was like I am about to go take shower any second, i am just looking through this mag.. a moment later he looked away from the mag and was like ,so what if the towel drops, what are you going to do about it ( the dude think say i get im time hisss). He had this stupid smile on his face. Nah ah, i am not about to play that game with you.. I walked pass him to Mr. sean's room..

Hey Mr. sean i just saw your cousin in the other room, so he spent the night here? Mr. sean was like he moved him 2 days ago, he has some personal things to deal with. he needs a place to crash for a while. Mr. sean are you serious your cousin is going to be staying here with you. He was like i don't understand, what do you mean. You very much know what i mean, you know how your cousin gets with me.( you see this mr. sean na wayo man oh, he knows exactly what i mean). Oh just ignore him, don't let him get to you. he is just messing around with you, yea so easy for you to say.

I didn't see him through out that day. I was happy, so he leaves the house in the morning and comes back when i am done for the day (ahhhhh life is beautiful again...lol). The next day i was doing an assignmen, mr. sean's babe(HGF) was around, so she was keeping him occupied. Reggie came back from where ever he went to the day before. He was like hey B what are you up to, i see my cousin has company. I am trying to do an assignment. Oh really, do you need help, you know my mum is a nurse too ( in a normal day i will argue o, but the thing take style hard). I was like okay why not. He stood there reading the book for about 4 minutes, then he pulled a chair and sat down. 10 minutes later, dude was still reading the book oo. I was like don't worry i c...... He was like shhhhhh ( how can this guy shhhh me, i just bone sha after all he is helping me now). 25 minutes later, i was about to take my book from him when he turned around and explained everything to me step by step. I must confess i was impressed.

Wow who would have thought. He was like what do you mean. I am just surprised that's all. He went on to tell me how he is a masters holder and he is about to get his PhD yada yada yada. I was like thank you very much for your help. He was like why do you hate me, did i do something to you. Did i ever say i hated you. I dunno, most girls warm up to me. I was like you said it yourself most, i must be among the few that doesn't what a life we live in.(abi wetin im wan make i do now). Then, he was like you know i was just messing with you all those times i talk to you. I have a serious girl friend who i am about to be engaged to ( oya clap for yourself, you try). We talked for a while about school, music and several other things. He asked me for my digit, i gave him a blank stare. He was like no biggie, at least i get to see you every weekend... that's enough to put a smile on a guy's face ( stupid me, i open my 32 and i was laughing with him). Well I guess he is not that bad after all or so i think..

PS: i just found out that my cousin has a blog. He is tight with a fellow blogger, he has been looking for me all over blogsville..lol. All he has to do is read about vsnc and our granms, he ll figure out who i am..( mehh that will be the day)

PSS: Guess who left a voice message on my phone, Pale, remember that old ibo man from my other post. who gave this man my number now eh.. hisss. i don't like this new development oh , walai talai.....(wahala dey)

PSSS: You need to check this link when you are chanced and pls tell me what you think about it

Friday, August 14, 2009


Hey people, remember the interview i told you about. Yes so i was interviewed by the wonderful juiceegal. You guyz better check it out or else..... okay nothing....lol . Ehen you see that baboon they call sleep, he decided to disturb me at my job( to think i was waiting all night for the bastard) If you see the battle ehn, i was pratically a zombee today oh..

This is the link to the interview. click here

Thursday, August 13, 2009


Hello beautiful people. Thanks for the comments, I am glad you guyz liked my poem, my head is about to pop oh...lol. Thank you very plenty. So, i have been trying to sleep for the past two hours, but the sleep is just misbehaving and i have to go to work tomorrow or today sef ( 12 hours shift). Sleep you better behave yourself, i am not finding this funny at all.

Anyways i saw this video somewhere and i though it was kind of funny. All the facebook citizens can totally relate to it( i think).

Another one to brighten up your day..


I'm worried that I'm losing my wife's love," the husband told the counselor. "Has she started to neglect you?" "Not at all," the dejected man replied. "She meets me at the door with a cold drink and a warm kiss. My shirts are always ironed, she's a great cook, the house is always neat, she keeps the kids out of my hair. She lets me choose the television shows we watch and she never objects to kinky sex or says she has a headache." "So what's the problem?" "Maybe I'm just being too sensitive," the husband ventured, "but at night, when she thinks I'm sleeping, she puts her lips close to my ear and whispers, 'Die! You son of a bitch, die!

Have a wonderful weekend people. Okay i am off to bed, sleep is me and you today.

P.S: l will be doing an interview on blogsville gist later on today. Hope you guys check it out :)

Wednesday, August 12, 2009


Okay this is something new for me. I wanted to see if i could do this. Abeg i take God beg you, don't laff at me oo. PHEW!! here it goes my first real poem.

crush knocked on my door
he was the first who came knocking
i allowed him in without hesitation
he moved in with his family
they come and go as they please
fantasy knocked on my door
i opened my door to him
he gave me an illusion
my imagination grew wide
of things i know will never come through
lust knocked on my door
i motioned him in
he gave me some sleepless night
i tossed and turn those night
still, this were part of my imagination
love knocked on my door
i used the biggest paddlock i could find
i really want to let him, but i can't
he is still outside, patiently knocking
will i ever open that door, only time will tell

There you have it people my virgin poem. hope its not that bad.

I saw this joke somewhere. Enjoy!!

A woman decides to have a facelift for her 50th birthday. She spends $5,000 and feels pretty good about the results. On her way home, she stops at a newsagents to buy a newspaper. Before leaving, she says to the clerk, "I hope you don't mind my asking, but how old do you think I am?" "About 32," is the reply. "Nope! I'm exactly 50," the woman says happily. A little while later she goes into McDonald's and asks the counter girl the very same question. The girl replies, "I'd guess about 29." The woman replies with a big smile, "Nope, I'm 50." Now she's feeling really good about herself. She stops in a drug store on her way down the street. She goes up to the counter to get some mints and asks the clerk this burning question. The clerk responds, "Oh, I'd say 30." Again she proudly responds, "I'm 50, but thank you!" While waiting for the bus to go home, she asks an old man waiting next to her the same question. He replies, "I'm 78 and my eyesight is going. Although, when I was young, there was a sure-fire way to tell how old a woman was. It sounds very forward, but it requires you to let me put my hands under your bra. Then, and only then can I tell you EXACTLY how old you are." They wait in silence on the empty street until her curiosity gets the best of her. She finally blurts out, "What the hell, go ahead." He slips both of his hands under her blouse and begins to feel around very slowly and carefully. He bounces and weighs each breast and he gently pinches each nipple. He pushes her breasts together and rubs them against each other. After a couple of minutes of this, she says, "Okay, okay...How old am I?" He completes one last squeeze of her breasts, removes his hands, and says, "Madam, you are 50." Stunned and amazed, the woman says, "That was incredible, how could you tell?" The old man says, "Promise you won't get mad?" "I promise I won't." she says. "I was behind you in McDonald's!"

Monday, August 10, 2009


Hello beautiful people. Hope you guyz had a wonderful week, I was working through out the weekend as usual. My granma, the mother of my mum. She has gone back to the motherland. As much as I wanted to see her go, I miss her company already. That is one funny lady, even though she tormented me whenever she had the chance…lol. She gave me some great advice just when I needed them. She is an amazing person, but she no gree old o. If you saw the jeans she brought before she left. Hmmm nuff said..lol. I rest my case. She said she doesn’t know about me, but she is still having her groove on. She and my mum I no know who like enjoyment pass. Those babes love life o. I guess my ma is truly the daughter of her mother.

Anyways to the gist of today, of course its bout me G. mama. Okay so my mum brought a new couch abi na sofa, anyone jare. She brought this new cream colored couch, it was really cute and all, but if you ask me, I really don’t think she needs it, but you didn’t ask so I will be quiet. My ma has been going on and on about the couch for sometime, she finally brought it. The next day my grams told us it will be her permanent chair until she leaves. The funny thing is that the chair could contain two people. My mum wasn’t happy sha, but we were like okay mama whatever you want, abi she is the guest now.

My cousin came to spend the weekend with us. He was watching a movie the night before and I guessed he slept off on that same couch. The next morning, he received two hot slaps for my grams( you know how those morning slaps can pain..lol). Kpai! Kpaaai!. Get out from my chair my friend. My cousin was like ooooooo mama why now. There other chairs na. If you don’t leave that chair this minute I will slap you again. My cousin heard slap and he got up in an instant. My cousin went upstairs grumbling under his breath. Me and vsnc was cracking up, I know we should have told him, but we forgot. Within seconds my grams was complaining, she said the couch smelled of unwatched body. Still she didn’t leave the chair o.

A few days later, my dad’s friend came to see us. He was coming to check on us and see how we were holding up, you know after….. yea. He sat down on my grams chair, he said he didn’t remember seeing the sofa the last time he came. He thought the sofa was nice. Of course my grams came downstairs a couple of minutes later, the way she looked at the guy I thought she was going to choke him or something. My mum gave her the mama-behave-yourself-and sit-down-in another-chair-just-this-once-look. The guy said his greetings and my grams waved him off without making eye contact.

The guy having stayed for a while was ready to leave. He got up from the chair and was saying his goodbyes to us when my grams screamed in a high-pitched voice. I wouldn’t lie to you I was scared o, I thought she was having an attack or something of that nature. You see wetin this yeye man do, you see. We were like what mama, we don’t understand. Oh my God you see wetin you do, the man was as confused as we were. We all looked at what she was pointing at and lo and behold, there was this big black stain( it was like the map of Africa) by the head of the sofa. We were still wondering how it got there, my grams was going on and on. I no understand why person go dye im hair. Even if you wan dye your hair, do am with better dye. Shey you don stain am now, you go rest now abi. New chair for that matter. I didn’t want to laff o, but when vsnc burst out laffing, I had to excuse my self. My mum said the man was speechless, he was too embarrassed to say anything. I love my grams, but she was too hard on the guy. Its not like he did it on purpose now. Yea that’s me G.mama, the love of our lives.

Have a wonderful week

Friday, August 7, 2009


AWWWW thanks for all the love guyz. I feel so special, so special so special…lol. Thanks for making all that noise, you all are far to kind. I don’t think you guyz are beautiful, I think you are beyond it. I wish I could hug everyone in blogsville. I like you guyz and you like me too…lol ( my remix of every girl)10thx

The summer has been one of kind. I say its raining man, but in this case its raining pale..lol( Old man). First day of class I met two Nigerian ladies who figured out I was Nigerian too for that reason they wanted to be my best friend( me sef tire, but I don’t mind now. After they are my people). I met this old man through them who happens to be igbo. The guy saw and he started rapping igbo. I was like I am not igbo o, the guy gree hear. When he rap im lingo finish the guy see say I no reply, na the guy chill.

The guy okay let me call him pale. Pale says he wants to buy me and the other two chics lunch. Normally, I will say I am good, but when we don do some kind conk nursing ehn. Me no mind o because this babe was hungry sha and for the kind recession period its not really common.

For three day straight pale was buying us lunch. He told us about his wife and how he was a big man in naija, but when he entered yankee he was like a nobody.( lol that is not news to me. Na today). After lunch pale says he wants me to explain one topic for him. Okay fine now no problem, but I was suspecting this guy sha. Why did he not tell the other chics to come. As I don chop small of im money belleful( which was his idea o), it’s the least I can do now abi.

There I was explaining a clinical procedure for him. Pale was like bsnc do you have a boyfriend. I just continue like say I no hear. Did I forget to mention he has a deep, thick ibo accent. Baby I say you get man.( who Is your baby, look at this old man o). Yes I am engaged to this guy in naija. E no mean anything, I have a wife too. I was like Mr. pale, do you want me to explain this thing or what. Pale was like I know all this thing, my wife is a nurse. I just wanted to get you alone with me since you are always with those girls.( for im mind im be sharp man o. hisss)

Pales goes on saying he is a chief in his village and he is entitled to have more than one wife. The guy say im want make I be im side kick( that is what they call it now adays o. chai woman don suffer sha). I was like side wetin, I don’t understand o. He was all this gals wey dey form innocent like dem no no anything, meanwhile na una spoil pass ( you see as this man dey take style insult me). He says if I am a good side kick he will marry me afterwards. I was like excuse me sir, I am not interested. Pale, I mean Chief pale was angry o. I have told you times without number. Stop calling me sir, I don’t like this kind of thing. Call me by my name. I told I could not.

Chief pale says I have just missed a big opportunity. He was ready to spend money on me. He says most girls will take the opportunity with both hands ( as I don become charity case now. Useless man). When he left, one of the girls came over and she was like I messed up big time. She says if she was in my shoes, she will use the man( see me see craze people, ehen carry on now. Who is stopping you) . The next day I greet chief, the guy bone me like I was invincible. He took the other girls to lunch. At least the guy free me.

One week later, chief pale come again. Bsnc this is your last chance. I am giving you another chance. Have you changed your mind? (. Na the fear of God in me no make me do something to this man). I was like thank you very much sir, but I am not interested. Chief says I don’t know what I am missing. Abeg someone should tell me what I am missing o, wetin I wan do with this old agbaya. I saw him with the other chic on several occasions after that, only God know if they were reading together or using their self. Frankly I don’t really care. That was how my summer started….

PS: ignore the typos i am already late for work..lol

Thursday, August 6, 2009

I KNOW, I KNOW.......

PHEW!!!!!!!!! That was intense, lord have mercy. I don't know where i got all my strength from. At least i can rest a little....

My angels, how have you guyz been. I missed you guyz o. You guyz missed me a little abi, a tiny bit, tinkele, at least small now, ahn ahn...lol. I have gist for you guyz o as in tory, chill now.. be patient. Its good to be back. i have to go make my rounds and see what you guyz have been up to.

YAY!!!! BSNC has entered the building and i ain't going nowhere....