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Tuesday, March 24, 2009

GRANDMA GOES TO YANKEE


I hope everybody’s week is flourishing and going smoothly. Thank you guyz for all the comments, I’m humble and remain loyal and also a special thanks to YNB (yankeenaijababe) for the welcoming newbie post (that is blogbite like me).. I wish I could give everybody a hug.. you guyz can have the cookie on the blog table; cabin biscuit, nasco, long life, choco milo, ribena, goldpot, mirinda, limca…. The choose is your choice, no fighting o.

I just got off the phone with my grandma (paternal). We talked about random stuff; school, job, weather, boys( she has hooked me up with almost all her friend’s grandchildren. I guess she has given up on me because she barely talk about them anymore), … we just talked sha. I know you guyz are wondering why I am talking about my grandma now. Well she left yankee recently and I wanted to share the story of her trip…

Her journey from naija to London was cool(she was travelling with my dad), no problems or immigration wahala, you know how niaja be now, once there is money there is a way. She carried enough naija assortments; yam, egusi, ogbono, cray fish, snail… just name it (even gala sef). For some strange reason she decided to put the yam in her hand luggage (don’t ask me why). Anyhow that was how they got to America; my grandma was so excited she has never seen so many whites in one place. Usually once you say you are from Nigeria and you bring all them goodies, the immigration in yankee must stop you. They took my dad and grandma to one of their office:

Dad: Mama no worry I go take care of this no just say anything you hear

Grandma: if dem ask me question I go talk now

Immigration officer(I.O): Can I see your passports and tell me what is inside that bag

Dad: Here you go( gives him the passports). It is just some things my mum bought for my sista from home.

Grandma: wetin im talk about my bag, I count everything there if anything miss eh

Dad: Mama im no talk to you now

I.O: who is the woman with you, I want her to sign in that paper

Dad: she is my mum. She is an illiterate, so she can’t really read or write

Grandma: who is illiterate, you dey craze abi you chop craze, na your papa be illiterate. I don told you dat I stopping in class two. look at the small boy is cursing me ( me sef no understand the English too)

Dad: mama I dey tell you make u keep quiet u no go hear o. they go send us back to naija

Grandma: I’m flabbergast( she picked those words from home video or something), amazing grace how sweet the sound, how can…. ..

the I.O was confused, he taught my dad was being dishonest; how can you tell me your mum is an illiterate when she speaks so good English( tell me how that English good now). By this time my grandma was grinning from ear to ear. My dad somehow resolved the crisis and explained further to I.O that my grandma was only putting a show to impress them. Anyway I.O opened my grandma’s hand luggage and saw two tuber of yams, he took it out of the bag and smelled it( I no no how the thing suppose smell before ). My grandma on seeing this, took the yam from his hand, I.O took it from her hand, she took it back, he took it from her hand again. That was how my grandma removed the wrapper from her waist and tied it on her head( she was ready for the man…).

Grandma: how I go take money buy yam for my pikin(beats her hand on her chest) na this oyinbo rabbit dey put am for im nose. Na either I kill am or im kill me

Dad: mama you wan kill yourself because of yam abi. Okay I go buy you yam

Grandma: no oo I want my own yam wey I take my own money buy

I think the other I.Os had the commotion because they came over and gave my grandma’s case to an African I.O, thankfully the guy settled the matter in peace and gave my grandma her yam back. My dad was so stressed that day( no be small thing dem go through)

The 5th day in yankee my grandma starts complaining that she wants to eat oyinbo food and she insist she must order for herself.. my dad took her to McDonalds. They got inside the fast food outlet

Dad: mama wetin you wan chop, u no say u no understand this thing make I order for you

Grandma: no worry I know wetin I want.

Grandma: waiter give me that bread and fry yam

Server: you say what now

Grandma: I say I want fry yam and bread… she turns to my dad, abi this boy no dey hear word no be fry yam and bread I dey see there

Dad: mama dem dey call am another thing here( he didn’t want to laff at my grandma, so he just held himself)

Grandma: abeg give me the fry yam and bread now ahh ahh which kind person be this , then she points to the item she wants.

Server boy: ohh u mean burger and frys

Grandma: na u know I don tell u wetin I want

They sha ordered and left the place. That was how they went to several places and my grandma being stubborn as she is, made things complicated for everybody( my grandma is a sweet heart, but sometimes she can be soooo stubborn). At the end of the day she hated yankee, she wanted to go back to naija. After much fussing, she left for naija the second week with a family friend( she was suppose to stay for 2 months)

I said my paternal grandma because my maternal grandma( my grandmama for my mama side) is educated and that woman like to blow grammar anyhow chei, so my paternal grandma has a little beef with her( don’t ask me why). She is always like BSNC this your grandmama no wan hear oo. She too dey make shakara, person never see before sef. E go dey do like say e no dey shit. Meanwhile my maternal grandma has nothing, but respect for that woman. They know how to sort themselves out. My maternal grandma is coming to yankee for the first time soon, we ll see how that plays out…..

I got my first pay check today(don’t ask me how much ). I should be happy rite…. Wrong. It goes like this I had a little disagreement with my mum and I told her I ll start paying all my bills by myself out of vexation (me and my big mouth), so right now I have bills to pay, I have to send money home as par first salary( one kind family tradition). Plus I had Nightrider(my car) checked up and he needs major surgery (repairs) , I don’t know why he is doing this to me. I have planned for this pay check before. I just have to swallow my pride with a tall glass of water and talk to my mum. After all the bills and stuff I have to pay for, I’m left with $30.59 ( wetin I wan use that one do now) that is excluding nightrider own. This pride must go down my throat by force.

Wish u guyz a lovely week ahead

41 comments:

Gee said...

FIRSTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTT!
BSNC WAT DO U KNO ABT THAT...
FIRST!!!
gee!!

Funms-the rebirth said...

lol @ ur grandma...........shes so hilarious...... and she sounds sweet
i remember first pay checks, naija tradition..... Lord help us

blogoratti said...

Grandma is off the hook. hehe! Awww poor you and nightrider,getting left with that small cash-hope for a better deal with the 2nd check though!
lol@bread and fry yam..

Original Mgbeke said...

LMAOOOO. BSNC, you are TOO funny with these stories and your grand ma is a TRIP. Ah ah! Afi bread and yam na? LMAO.
My dear I remember how disappointing my first paycheck was, I wasn't used to taxes and all and yup I had to share with the aunts. Chei, I've come a long way o.
You too will look back on these days very soon.

Tigeress said...

that is so hilarious! Tell me u made this up.

As for the first salary home. U are such a good child. Is that first salary ever or first salary for each new job?

Have a lovely week ahead too. :)

JustDB said...

Ahhh... ya grandmama tap o....hillarious...

Gee said...

hahahahahahah.............the woman nah proper naija woman joh!
i can only imagine how stunned the I.Os wer...poor pple.
ok did she really tie the wrapper on her head?i shuld hve been dere o...cuz ive only seen it in movies!

Mocha said...

*falls out of her chair laughing!!*
That was TOO funny!!
Your grandma tew baaaaaaaaaaad!!
She for show pesin on top her yam..lol..

i know that 1st salary sum-tin! I remember labelling envelopes with as little as 50box (naira) to aunties and uncles when I got my 1st job ever! See trouble!
All the best with making that $30 work mehn!
Lol..

L-VII said...

Hello, thanks for the welcome. I remember handing over almost all the money from my first pay, it was not funny but, I had to do it. Tradition is beautiful thing sometimes, I shall be imposing the same rule on my children.

Sexkitten said...

Lol. Omg. This is hilarious.

BSNC said...

@Gee lol yes gee i know all about that

@Funms -the rebirth lol yes she is and she doesn't know she is that funny.. i know lord help us

@Blogaratti yes thanks i really need to enjoy the second check

@Original Mgbeke lol yes my grandma just wanted her fry yam o. amen the soon should come soon

@Tigeress walai talai it happened. my first salary for the first ever for my first real job. thanks for stopping by

Afrobabe said...

Hahahahahahahahhahahahhahahha...Grandma is hillarious...hehehehehe...she for wozz that IO sef....rubbish, how dare he smell the yam...

BSNC said...

@Tigeress i mean my first salary ever for my first real job

@justDB lol that is my granny

@Gee yes she did tie the wrapper on her head, meaning she means bizness. my dad said the I.Os did not understand except the african guy

@Mocha lol dont mess with my grandma's yam. exactly see trouble. thanks

@L-VII you are welcome, yes it is not funny, but it is what it is. thanks for stopping by

@Sexkitten yes and thanks for stopping by

thanks people

Bibi said...

chic, you dey kolo. you are just too funny.lol. your grandma reminds me too much of mine. and as per the salary, i am waiting for my own share. which will be the remaining $30. you can keep the change.lol. very good post girl keep it up.

Blanche Truffle said...

WOW!...You're Grandma is just the best..First of all hooking you up, then this!...lol...Your poor dad...

First timer...nice post!

Lolia said...

Ahn your grandma sounds like a cool sumborri oh lol

As for that first paycheck thing it's because I hated giving mine out so much that I'm going to make my children do it lol

Welcome to Blogville dear :)

bumight said...

LMAO! ur grandma is a trip! actually, i salute ur father's patience. jeez!!!

SECRET DIARY said...

U r too funny.

Anyway I get solution for ur car. Last year I bought an Ouija board from eBay. I have just used it to run Long Distance Diagnostic Analysis of ur car. The car is possessed !!! My Ouija board says u should take ur car to a yankee based herbalist preferably an albino so that them go exorcise its possessed head. Once u do that it will not need that major surgery.

"I don’t know why he is doing this to me."

See, I told u. That ur Communist car has a mind of its own. U better watch it or else soon it will grow wings and start to fly about in the night sky like Okada Airline. I'm off to mess about on my Ouija board. See ya.

cappuccinebaby said...

Aww your Grandma is too much abeg! :D

Smaragd said...

I'm sure those OI's are used to grandmas from Naija now!

lmao @ yam and bread! say what? lol

Buttercup said...

Hehehehe bless her! Im sure theres never a dull moment with her!

Naija and their traditions..mschew! Sowee hon..

BSNC said...

@afrobabe lol i know abi. she doesn't play with her food o,

@bibi this is a wa. u want your share too which change am i keeping lol. thanks girl

@blanche truffle lol yes i know, but she is his mum. thanks for stopping by

@loila yes she is really cool. lol yea its the tradition. thanks its good to be here an thanks for stopping by

@bumight lol this is just her trip to yankee. yes after all it is his mum, he has no choice. thanks for stopping by

@secret diary lol nightrider is not possesed, he is just misbehaving, but i ll go see the herbaist. which one is ouija board again

@cappucine baby lol that she is

@smaragd lol they better get used to it. thanks for stopping by

scribble,me.free said...

lol...sounds like an "Osofia in london" incident. Good luck with Nightrider!

BSNC said...

@buttercup lol you got that rite.. i know thanks i ll survive

@SMF this one is my grandma live and direct. i ll share another about her another time. yes thanks

~Sirius~ said...

ROTFLMAO!!!!!
your granny is off the chain, she could star in a comedy show.........LMAO!

Aaaah pride has you by the throat, what are Night riders specs? she sounds sexy. 2door V6 honda- just guessing.
I have a thing for gadgets and cars....

doll said...

aw…ur G.mama sounds so cute…night rider…what a cute name for a car..i should pick out a name for my car too

Just...Toluwa said...

I refuse to do first paycheck. NO.

First tym here...nice blog!

Shubby Doo said...

immigration are the pits for such things...LMAO @ 'who is illiterate, you dey craze abi you chop craze, na your papa be illiterate'

lol @ grandma removing her wrapper from her waist and tying it to her head...she was really ready for the guy abi...all for yam!!!

my car has a name too so i guess i also should confess i talk to it!

don't worry about the paying bills things you'll adjust...also know that when you need them...fight or no fight your parents will be there for u ;-)

Shubby Doo said...

i've been seeing u claim first all over blogville this week. congrats o!

but you're a fairly new blogger so please share how you've managed to get afrobabe on your blogroll cos her updates don't show on mine but they do on yours...madam please share your secret o! abeg =)

NoLimit said...

lol @ your grandma's story...men I was cracking up like crazy!!!
My oga just dey look me like person wey don go loco!

BSNC said...

@sirus lol i know right.. my nightrider is sexy, but he(or she) is getting on my nerve now

@Doll yes she is all that. thanks,you should. pick out a sexier name too

@Just...Toluwa i dont have a choice its tradition. thanks for stopping by

@Shubby Doo lol yes dont mess with her food. yes i know, but it was hard to give the money away.. lol yes i am a newbie(blogbite). RocNaija helped me with that. i ll walk over and send you the link. thanks for stopping by

@NoLimit lol tell oga to relax... thanks for stopping by

thanks people

CaramelD said...

I have been spitting fire all night and said let me read your post cos I couldn't sleep... now I'm in tears of laughter. Oh to be a fly on the wall in that immigration office.

naijagirl said...

uuh uuh I want a cabin too, me me me

nice post

Nefertiti said...

I really have to comment on this one becos like I said, I am 'infestigating' u.

This was hella funny. She removed her scarf sha? And they didn't pull out AK 47s on her? Your dad must have the heart of Jesus. Yam and bread? LMAO!

BSNC said...

@CaramelD lol yea i know

@naijagirl lol go grab one. its on the table there. thanks

@Nefertiti lol how can they pull AK47. yes he is patient. carry on with you inFEStigation...

Omo Oba said...

lol!!! haha, i miss my grannies but I dont think anyone of them comes close to this madness! she left after 2 weeks only? shez got one heck of a strong willed mind. go g-mama!

BSNC said...

lol i know rite. that is my granny for you..

*Diane* said...

oh my gosh!!! lmao off seriously! your post always has me roliing! Grandma is hardcore! And i feel your pain on your whole check being spent, even before you see it.lol

rethots said...

Hmmm, funny enough i think you have already got the beautiful drama you going to have.*whispers* i love your (paternal) granma's spirit, 'tis simply beautiful.

The beauty of letting lose is seemingly lost once we become 'educated'.

Nice one, very nice.

Short of which, no i won't ask how much.....just send my 1/11th (not, 1/10th oh). Congrats tho'.

aloted said...

lol..ur grandma is too funny men!!! kai..so she actually speaks pidgin..hehehehehe...omo i no fit shout...totally love ur blog men!

ah u also had to submit ur first salary abi...same here o....i think its some yoruba trad..r u yoruba?

BSNC said...

@Diane lol thanks am glad you like them. yes that money wasn't easy to give away, but i did it..

@rethots lol thanks she is a sweetheart. yea i feel you on that.. thanks the money is on its way. i just Fed ex it

@aloted aww thanks. yes i did o. it wasn't easy. no am not yoruba.. i think its a nigerian tradition