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Monday, April 27, 2009

HAPPENINGS...

Hey fellow citizens of blogsville. I hope everybody is great and you guyz are having a wonderful week. Thanks again for all comments, you guyz are far too kind. Can I hear an encore do you want more( okay ignore the last sentence…).

Work last week was okay, still no drama. I should be happy right?.. Mr Sean is still staring at my starables( boobs). On Saturday, we were discussing about something and out of nowhere he says since his incident he has never had a worker that made him laugh soo hard, I am a wonderful company and he is glad I work with him. (That was the nicest thing he has ever said to me.. I think. ). I was really touched.. even when he calls me sweetheart, dear, sweetie and tells me my boyfriend is soo lucky( I no tell am anything about bf oo). That simple statement topped it all for me. VSNC(my twin) thinks he likes me, but I think he is just trying to be nice abi no be so.

For the first time since I started this job, I was free on Sunday, so i went to church( yes I finally did. Thank you lord). Instead of VSNC and bibi to let me rest, they insisted we go out. First of all the sun was insane. I know I am African, but almost 90 degrees… what is that.. On our way to pick bibi, nightrider refuses to cool us down. The yeye thing was just blowing hot air ( as the weather hot reach).. VSNC did her abracadabra and he responded to her.

We got to the theater and the only movie that seems watchable was Obsessed staring idris ( the guy from daddy’s little girl) and beyonce.( the babe married to jay z).. The soda was close to 5 dollars for a cup, bibi refused to take the soda. I had to drink something, my mum and aunt thinks I am dehydrated and stressed, so I need a lot of fluid in my system. I think I am just lazy jo.. The place was jam-packed, we had to sit in the first row( I was like make this thing no fall on top person head). The movie was okay, nothing special about it. It was too predictable, like our naija home video. I can’t wait for wolverine to come out..

Bibi removed her audio post o. why I don’t know. I honestly thought it was nice, but she says most people were laying emphases on how young she sounded and not the audio post itself. Hopefully we will do something together pretty soon…

Is it just me or is everybody writing an essay on their status update..I was going to blog about something else, I don’t know what happened. Well I saw this write up somewhere by Ali Baba. I though It was funny, so I wanted to share.. Enjoy!!!



Why does anyone choose to wear white shirts when he or she knows that the armpit area of the shirt is yellow yellow Why? Especially when you have not been selected by MTN as brand ambassador. The fact that that part is yellow (as against yellowish) purely shows that the hair under your armpit is a fermentation factory for sulphur.

By the way, out of curiosity, why do people with this custard condition always want to put their arms around you? They also come to church and are the first to shout Alleluia! Not minding the line of sight of the person next to them. I know I shouldn’t be looking and judging people in church… but what happened to cleanliness is next to Godliness. This one isn’t even next to… its right inside God’s house. I don’t know the Bible very well but there should be some penance for that kind of un-cleanliness.

The way I see it, is that you either shave the Bush or stop wearing white shirts altogether. Don’t even try other shirt colours. We all know yellow doesn’t mix well with other colours. It’s a very vibrant colour so if you go on to other shirt colours you will end up having the armpit part of your shirt looking like adire fabric or Ghanaian kente! Pay hair-ttention to your armpits, please or wear a suit. Better still, look for some Texan black leather jacket (yacket if you are Calabar and zacket if you are in any way related to Vice President Goodluck Zonathan).

Another matter that matters if you are in an enclosed place is the indescribable pollution of the air when some knit wit decides to remove his smelly feet from the safe protection and containment of his of shoes for fresh air. Fresh air? You just killed the fresh air! Air murderer! The other day as we were watching a movie in my study, a romantic scene had a man kissing a woman all over. I mean allllllll over. One lady dared to say, you see… Nigerian men don’t love like this. God forbid bad thing. Any man who licks or kisses any smelly feet like this will die of unknown causes.
What of bad breath? People who have this serious condition always want to whisper things to you. No. Write whatever you feel like telling me down. I can read with you around… breathing is my problem. Oh , better still send a text. After now una go they wonder why babes no dey kiss una. Even just blowing a kiss can be a problem. Some bad breath travel by Bluetooth. Its not about just brushing your teeth. You SHOULD scrub your tongue too. In fact, I stand to be corrected, its not your teeth that smells. Its that backyard of your tongue.

Now there is a reason that made someone sweat it out in a laboratory to create a fabric freshener. Please buy one. Or change your wash man. OH sorry, you think that place you drop your clothes is a DRYCLEANERS’? You wish. How can your give clothes to be washed and they come back smelling funky? Improperly made starch and sour smelling freshness. I sat next to one guy at the departure lounge, we know each other from way back. He wore a shirt that was neatly ironed. The smoothness reminded me of inspections in the hostels in those days. In all that smoothness was the smell of fabric not properly washed or well dried. So every now and then I will ask him, you mess? He will say Nooo, how can? I will give him time and ask again. Until I pitied him and told him. He had the effrontery to say he thought that something had died around somewhere.

Ladies please, I don’t want to expose other things… because this is a blog for everyone. BUT PLEASE, PLEASE! Must your braids have an anniversary before you remove it? Like a friend asked, Are braids and weave-on pregnancies? One lady entered the lift from the 4th floor of a 14 floor building… we all got out on the 7th floor and use the stairs. She was going to the penthouse. She was a “big madam” in the office. I kid you not. Do you know how long braids are kept to take on the smell of locust beans being prepared by an Ilorin woman?

That was the day I wished I had cold. And she is married. How can any man sleep through that stench. I don’t even want to imagine his other matrimonial obligations.

Tufiakwa!

Lol that is Ali Baba for you. Have a lovely week people..

66 comments:

Bibi said...

Lmao! Chic, u dey kolo. Abi na ali baba dey kolo? As for the braids, that na true word o! I can't carry mine for more than 3 wks. Tops.

Bibi said...

BTW did I scream 1st? Don't think so. 1ssssssssssst!!!. In your face Dante!

Tee said...

hi dear, lovely post.

Well, now i carry my braids for four weeks but back then in school, we used to go and re-do the front so it looked new and we would carry it for 6 to 8 weeks, lol

HRM said...

i was just gonna scream first...then Bibi right out of no where....psst
lol

well 3rd isnt as bad!

HRM said...

wat??
4th??
Tee dey try me too o!

blogoratti said...

He's still staring uhn....bad guy!

miz-cynic said...

d funny part was the ghanian kente...tht ali baba too baaaad!

Original Mgbeke said...

This babe no go kill me sha! Braid anniversary, mustard armpit, smelly feet. Too too funny. Abi na bad breath wey dey travel via bluetooth? LOL
Funny post!

RocNaija said...

Alibaba na confirmed kolo man!!!

Hmm.. So oga Sean eyes still dey enjoy sometin sometin...

Thing I don't get is how he manages to maintain 2 girlfriends..??

E get jazz??

BSNC said...

@bibi na ali baba dey kolo oo. 3 weeks hmm okay oo. yes you are first

@tee thanks lol i know what you mean, chics gat to save..

@HRM lol no mind them jo

@blogoratti lol yes o. i tire for am

@miz-cynic lol that is ali baba for you. bad guy

@Original M lol no be you want kill me this morning with your i rep naija post. lol don't mind the smelly feet air muderer.. thanks

@Roc lol certified. i tire for the guy oo. i think the guy is pepper rested.. maybe na jazz who knows, person no dey know finish..

thanks peeps

Smaragd said...

rotflmao!

i dont even know what to comment on again! i cannot wear any hair-do, no matter how much i spent on it, for longer than 8wks! and 8wks is prolly only if i travel out of naija with it.

den den den, u said Mr. Sean is just being nice abi? being nice my ass!dude's loving up.

Sweetnothin' said...

LMAO...."fermentation factory for sulphur" hes funny as hell. anyway, enjoy your week.
by the way how come am never first on your blog.. am staying awake next time to be the first...thats my task for the week.

YNG said...

LOOOOOOOOOOOOOL....HAHAHHAHA... i was almost choking on my yam and corned beef stew:)

Repressed One said...

LOL@ dude thinking something had died meanwhilly na hin dey smell...lol

Yay to you going to church...hopefully you get more sundays off.

Mr. Sean must be loaded...? cos err 2 girlfriends...i bow!!

naijagirl said...

lol, oh was that from Ali baba? I couldnt help touching my nose while reading through.
as for mr Sean....there's a term for it where the patient falls for the caregiver.uhhh, uhhh, dont remember, i know i shoulda listened in psych class.
I hope you had fun; havent seen obsessed, kinda missed it this weekend, but I heard Ali and Idris did it justice, not Beyonce and it was just an ok movie

Cidersweet said...

Those are valid points Ali Baba gave. Ouch! May we never be found wanting.
Based on all evidence given, methinks Mr Sean is toasting you. That he has two gfs is evidence that he's not 'monogamous' (shakes head).
Anyhow hav a lovely day!

Dante said...

Hahaahaa...alibaba is really kolo..
But BSNC, u mental for posting this morning...i almost chocked on my toothpaste..ahn ahn...
I liked the part he was asking if u were a brand ambassador for MTN..lol..
I have even seen some that graduated from yellow to green...
Bibi..wetin i do i nah?
I will do back..lol.
Finally, BSNC..i no understand ur mr sean?
Why is he staring?
U no fit tell am say it is rude to stare at a lady's commodities?
The guy go jump u one day!

OPTIMISTIC_alyzzz said...

TRUE TALK, especially about the church thingie.
read thru your blog really nice.
one day i will be first i promise lol.

downtheaisle said...

bsnc u have come again oooooooo!!! I can't stop laughing,

"Why does anyone choose to wear white shirts when he or she knows that the armpit area of the shirt is yellow yellow Why? Especially when you have not been selected by MTN as brand ambassador. The fact that that part is yellow (as against yellowish) purely shows that the hair under your armpit is a fermentation factory for sulphur"

"Do you know how long braids are kept to take on the smell of locust beans being prepared by an Ilorin woman?"

lmao!

Adaeze said...

lol u funny! I feel u on everything. Air murderer lol.

scribble,me.free said...

lol @ "Cleanliness is next to Godliness...this one is inside God's house"

~Sirius~ said...

ROTFLMAO!!!!

eradicate the funk!

juiceegal said...

Lol at ali baba.....dat guy gives me jokes...so i see mr sean is still trippin huh??
BSNC i want 2 b like u wen i grow up o...lol
nd im jealous u all hung out without invitin me abi....sob sob

CaramelD said...

Ali Baba is bad........

Chai, no one likes Beyonce movie I think. Anyway people will still go and see it. SO cash will enter her pocket

mizchif said...

I think read this one already on Ali Baba's fb, but it still cracked me up! Hilarious!

As for u and Mr Sean...babe, there is no such thing as nice in this matter, start to dey shine ur eye.

As much as i love to hate B, she does manage to pull a crowd, evrybody and their mother's dof went to see Obsessed this wkend, myself included.

NaijaBabe said...

The fact that that part is yellow (as against yellowish) purely shows that the hair under your armpit is a fermentation factory for sulphur

SHET...thats deep!

Zena said...

ROTFLMAO!!!!!


I'm hitting the table at the library and the security guard is trying to kick me out, lmao!!!!!!!

seye said...

First, i have issues with Christians not 'rep'ing up

I mean, the old testament clearly states the rules of conduct for priests that served in the temple. In fact if you had a severed testes, you couldn't serve in the temple. There were so many things that God sees and I seriously believe in that. In fact, I should write about that.
In fact, all over the bible, I saw some kind of 'bias' in the kinds of people that God chose. First God chose a fine boy called Saul to lead isreal as the first king of israel. Yes, FINE BOY...that's how I would paraphrase the description that GOd gave. Next, David...he was said to be fine. SOlomon was described as PINK CHEEKED.
Moses was fine! Joseph was fine.
If God chose those details, then why would taking care of one's self be an issue!!!!!!!!!!!!

Right now sef, my girlfriend doesn't talk with me if i don't have proof that I have bought some mint gum. she says its sexy for a guy to always carry that...secretly.

Wait sef...what's all this talk about hygiene, madam NURSE!

BSNC said...

@smaragd yea me too, 8 wks is even too long sef.. lol i really do think he is being nice o. anyway that one is his own palaver...

@sweetnothing lol yea i know... yoo have a lovly week too. lol for real, okay good luck o :)

@YNG lol abeg don't choke. now i want to eat yam and corn beef stew.. hmm

@repressed one lol i know abi, can you imagine.. yes i hope so too , my sis me tire too and two hot chics for that matter

@naijagirl lol yes it was from ali baba. lol err i don't think he is falling for me oo. yea kind of, the movie is not all that, but you can still see though. thats just my own opinion

@cidersweet lol amen oo. toasting me ke.. abeg i don't does chic to break bottle on my head o. yea you too

thanks peeps

BSNC said...

@dante lol yea i know. na me say make you read when you dey brush teeth..lol.
i have seen from yellow to brown. how i wan take know, he has his own eyes now. lol i ask him once, he said he was thinking about something...

@optimistic A thanks alot. lol yea you will be first.. thanks for stopping by

@downtheasile lol don't mind me. lol yellow as against yellowish..i know..

@adaze lol that is ali baba oo. why would someone murder the air like that..lol

@scribbles i know abi. inside God's house again..

@sirius lol i know. they really need to..

@juicegal ali baba is funny as hell.. my dear is the other way round, me want to be like you.. pls don't cry oo :(

thanks peeps

BSNC said...

@caramel D lol yes he is. yea the movie was not all that, but people will still go and see.

@mizchif lol i saw it somewhere.. lol yes ma. i will shine it well well with eye polish.. yes i feel you on that B thing

@naijababe lol i know very deep. how can it be the fermentation of sulphur

@zena lol abeg settle down o. hope he didn't kick you out

@seye pastor seye i hear you loud and clear. like ali baba said cleaniless is next to godliness..

thanks peeps

Afrobabe said...

DID SOME ONE SAY LONG POST???

90 degrees keh,where you dey abeg? Actually thought you were here in london..

Hmm is Ali Baba a blogger now? Cool..

Anonymous said...

was attracted by the face on your blog. is it drawing or real pix? is it you or some hollywood damsel. i need to know because the girl looks like my fulani girlfriend. and what a girl i got.

Jayla. said...

oh my days......... Ali baba can yarn o.

chayoma said...

this post long oh!
kente part hilarious..

BSNC said...

@afrobabe lol i didn't know it will be this long..

no am in yankee. yes its really hawt. i dunno if he is a blogger oo

@anonymous the first anon on my blog.. lol your fulani girlfriend. i don't think its the same person..

@jayla lol i know...

@chayoma lol it is not that long naoww. i have been trying to comment on ur blog.. no luck. thanks for stopping by

thanks peeps

ochuko said...

Totally Hilarious!!!
lol @ "you mess?" and "starables"
Very funny posts :D

Omo Oba said...

BSNC, your posts never cease to amaze me...u are certified crazy!
na true talk u talk my sista. lol @ hair-ttention! so, come what does fermented sulphur look like? i can guess but i'ma check it out.

Tigeress said...

omd, what a long ass post. Yeh women who leave hair in for more than 6weeks shld be smacked!!!! Very disgusting when i hear women say they carry braids for 3months!! WTF!!!

Mz. Eniola said...

loooooooooooooool!!! haha!!! tew funny!looool... diz has bee officially bookmarked! lol

My World said...

Very funny.
Try this link-http://fareedasview.blogspot.com/posts/feeds/default.

Jaycee said...

LOLLLLL @ the post below...LOLLLLLL..."locust beans prepared by an Ilorin woman..."

That's hilarious...

BSNC said...

@ochuko thanks ochuko. i'm gald you liked it :)

@Omo Oba lol no am not crazy o.. lol check it out and get back to me..

@tigeress sowry oo. i didn't know it was this long. lol i know abi, but its their hair sha..

@Mz Eniola lol glad you liked it Mz E :)

@My World thanks will do..

@Jaycee lol i know right. thanks :)

thanks peeps

doll said...

LMAO at the braids thingy...i cant carry any hair for more than 3 weeks
ROFLMAO@ the yellow on white thingy..babe

Buttercup said...

lol! hilarious from a-z..dunno where to start from!

Chari said...

lol u sef!!! He likes u doh!

Did you say he has two girlfriends? WOW

@ ali baba saw the thing on fb... I wan craze

Luscious LU said...

Lol! Lol! Your posts always long but interesting to read as ever!

At least,you just didnt sit at home on your free day. Ali baba is just crazy.

aloted said...

lol tooo funny..

i always leave with a smile wen i come here

justdoyin said...

can't comment yet...still ROTFL...

Rita said...

I am at work forming serious and reading this post...BSNC...why do you want me to burst out laughing uncontrollably...

Women are moved by sweet words...hope u have not started liking Mr Sean...

BSNC said...

@doll lol i know. the yellow on the white.. :)

@buttercup lol thanks babes

@chari er... no he doesn't. yes two hot babes, i no fit shout oo. ali baba is crazy funny

@luscious lu awww thanks dear. i know it was kind of long.. lol ali baba is something else.

@aloted awww i am glad. thanks chica

@just doyin lol take your time babe, take your time..

@rita lol i am sowry oo. naa i just think he is a nice guy.

thanks peeps

Anonymous said...

Abeg u shud have put disclaimer dat it shud not b read in d office.

Im lmao n my colleagues r givin me funny n evil eyes o. cos of d way m laffin esp at d "u mess comment on d airport guy".

Ta for d good lauf on a borin fri.

Doja 2.0 said...

The last part is so funnily disgusting!

Writefreak said...

Lol at explaining Beyonce as the girl married to Jayz...
How you doing sweerie?
Have a nice weekend!

RocNaija said...
This comment has been removed by the author.
Tiwa said...

Ali baba is so funny..Like every line in that post was jokes..lol

Naked soul said...

this really cracked me up........ esp the braids. sometimes i feel like walking to some people and dragging them to the salon...

BSNC said...

@anonymous lol sory no vex. i ll do that next time.. awww i am glad you had a good laff. thanks for stopping by :)

@Doja 2.0 lol funnily disgusting... er okay. thanks for stopping by

@whitefreak lol some peeps don't know na.. i am fine oo, thanks dear. you too

@tiwa yes he is, he puts the F in funny.. thanks for stopping by T

@Naked soul lol i feel you, but don't try it oo. people can be krazy

thanks peeps

scarletboy said...

alibaba is a confirmed psycho!!! thanks alot for ur post, it made my day!

miz-cynic said...

@bsnc--wht is oga sean's own sef.the earlier he comes out with his "koko" the better

@ROC:-whc kin jazz....all men get htose kin skills o...keping multiple girls without them finding out.

Tairebabs said...

OMG!!! You nearly killed me with laughter o. I hate the custard condition thing eh...my gosh it is appauling. When I was in law school we had to wear white shirts daily and i saw my fear sha of custard skirts and had to accept many custard hugs.

Kia, I was guilty of allowing my braids have 2 months anniversary when I first came to yankee and didn't know road. Embarrassing sha...but i no know road now.

BSNC said...

@scarlet boy aww thanks i am glad it did

@miz-cynic lol my sista i am with you, the guy tire me oo

@tairebabs lol thank God i didn't oo. lol custard hugs, eya poor you i can imagine..

lol at least you know road now, thats all that counts :)

thanks peeps

Penelope said...

Lmao! He should preach on abeg!!
Just ydai, some stanky breathed individual wanted to approach me with a kiss, i just had to dodge!!
And women with keeping braids for long...abeg tht thing is not fresh wen it strts to smell...Hiss

BSNC u've made my day..lol
And wat does VSNC stand for?

BSNC said...

lol i know right.. Can you imagine the nerve, hope you dodged well.

aww thanks i am glad i did. VSNC(vanilla skin naija chic). my twin sister she is light skinned. i should have called her paw paw skin naija chic..lol

TDVA said...

i can now comment!!! yayyyy!

lol.

Anonymous said...

good points and the details are more precise than elsewhere, thanks.

- Thomas