HAPPENINGS...

Hey fellow citizens of blogsville. I hope everybody is great and you guyz are having a wonderful week. Thanks again for all comments, you guyz are far too kind. Can I hear an encore do you want more( okay ignore the last sentence…).

Work last week was okay, still no drama. I should be happy right?.. Mr Sean is still staring at my starables( boobs). On Saturday, we were discussing about something and out of nowhere he says since his incident he has never had a worker that made him laugh soo hard, I am a wonderful company and he is glad I work with him. (That was the nicest thing he has ever said to me.. I think. ). I was really touched.. even when he calls me sweetheart, dear, sweetie and tells me my boyfriend is soo lucky( I no tell am anything about bf oo). That simple statement topped it all for me. VSNC(my twin) thinks he likes me, but I think he is just trying to be nice abi no be so.

For the first time since I started this job, I was free on Sunday, so i went to church( yes I finally did. Thank you lord). Instead of VSNC and bibi to let me rest, they insisted we go out. First of all the sun was insane. I know I am African, but almost 90 degrees… what is that.. On our way to pick bibi, nightrider refuses to cool us down. The yeye thing was just blowing hot air ( as the weather hot reach).. VSNC did her abracadabra and he responded to her.

We got to the theater and the only movie that seems watchable was Obsessed staring idris ( the guy from daddy’s little girl) and beyonce.( the babe married to jay z).. The soda was close to 5 dollars for a cup, bibi refused to take the soda. I had to drink something, my mum and aunt thinks I am dehydrated and stressed, so I need a lot of fluid in my system. I think I am just lazy jo.. The place was jam-packed, we had to sit in the first row( I was like make this thing no fall on top person head). The movie was okay, nothing special about it. It was too predictable, like our naija home video. I can’t wait for wolverine to come out..

Bibi removed her audio post o. why I don’t know. I honestly thought it was nice, but she says most people were laying emphases on how young she sounded and not the audio post itself. Hopefully we will do something together pretty soon…

Is it just me or is everybody writing an essay on their status update..I was going to blog about something else, I don’t know what happened. Well I saw this write up somewhere by Ali Baba. I though It was funny, so I wanted to share.. Enjoy!!!



Why does anyone choose to wear white shirts when he or she knows that the armpit area of the shirt is yellow yellow Why? Especially when you have not been selected by MTN as brand ambassador. The fact that that part is yellow (as against yellowish) purely shows that the hair under your armpit is a fermentation factory for sulphur.

By the way, out of curiosity, why do people with this custard condition always want to put their arms around you? They also come to church and are the first to shout Alleluia! Not minding the line of sight of the person next to them. I know I shouldn’t be looking and judging people in church… but what happened to cleanliness is next to Godliness. This one isn’t even next to… its right inside God’s house. I don’t know the Bible very well but there should be some penance for that kind of un-cleanliness.

The way I see it, is that you either shave the Bush or stop wearing white shirts altogether. Don’t even try other shirt colours. We all know yellow doesn’t mix well with other colours. It’s a very vibrant colour so if you go on to other shirt colours you will end up having the armpit part of your shirt looking like adire fabric or Ghanaian kente! Pay hair-ttention to your armpits, please or wear a suit. Better still, look for some Texan black leather jacket (yacket if you are Calabar and zacket if you are in any way related to Vice President Goodluck Zonathan).

Another matter that matters if you are in an enclosed place is the indescribable pollution of the air when some knit wit decides to remove his smelly feet from the safe protection and containment of his of shoes for fresh air. Fresh air? You just killed the fresh air! Air murderer! The other day as we were watching a movie in my study, a romantic scene had a man kissing a woman all over. I mean allllllll over. One lady dared to say, you see… Nigerian men don’t love like this. God forbid bad thing. Any man who licks or kisses any smelly feet like this will die of unknown causes.
What of bad breath? People who have this serious condition always want to whisper things to you. No. Write whatever you feel like telling me down. I can read with you around… breathing is my problem. Oh , better still send a text. After now una go they wonder why babes no dey kiss una. Even just blowing a kiss can be a problem. Some bad breath travel by Bluetooth. Its not about just brushing your teeth. You SHOULD scrub your tongue too. In fact, I stand to be corrected, its not your teeth that smells. Its that backyard of your tongue.

Now there is a reason that made someone sweat it out in a laboratory to create a fabric freshener. Please buy one. Or change your wash man. OH sorry, you think that place you drop your clothes is a DRYCLEANERS’? You wish. How can your give clothes to be washed and they come back smelling funky? Improperly made starch and sour smelling freshness. I sat next to one guy at the departure lounge, we know each other from way back. He wore a shirt that was neatly ironed. The smoothness reminded me of inspections in the hostels in those days. In all that smoothness was the smell of fabric not properly washed or well dried. So every now and then I will ask him, you mess? He will say Nooo, how can? I will give him time and ask again. Until I pitied him and told him. He had the effrontery to say he thought that something had died around somewhere.

Ladies please, I don’t want to expose other things… because this is a blog for everyone. BUT PLEASE, PLEASE! Must your braids have an anniversary before you remove it? Like a friend asked, Are braids and weave-on pregnancies? One lady entered the lift from the 4th floor of a 14 floor building… we all got out on the 7th floor and use the stairs. She was going to the penthouse. She was a “big madam” in the office. I kid you not. Do you know how long braids are kept to take on the smell of locust beans being prepared by an Ilorin woman?

That was the day I wished I had cold. And she is married. How can any man sleep through that stench. I don’t even want to imagine his other matrimonial obligations.

Tufiakwa!

Lol that is Ali Baba for you. Have a lovely week people..